7 Things Life Is Too Short For

TS-496645325 Life Too Short

By Regina Gosney, Never Liked It Anyway

Have you ever thought of all the nice boys you could have dated if you weren’t wasting your time with your sleazy ex? Or, all the better drinks you could’ve had if you hadn’t finished that lousy $14 drink you bought at that bar in Vegas. The world contains an infinite amount of possibilities. The time we are given in this world, however, is not so infinite. There are things that life is just too short for. Here are seven:

Bad Coffee
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Life is too short to pretend you’re not a coffee snob. It’s not a social crime to want good coffee. You deserve it. Drive the extra five minutes and spend the extra $3 to get the organic, fair-trade espresso beans with steamed hemp milk. Seriously, life is too short to disappoint yourself with convenient, but burnt-tasting coffee with an excess of pumped syrup.

F Boys
TS-487924259 F-Boy

Life is way too short to invest yourself in relationships that turn out to be a disappointing… nothing. Unless that’s what you’re looking for. In which case, F Boys really aren’t that bad of a concept. They’d be more like a cat. Play with it when you want, feed it occasionally, then just let it be. 

Vodka Soda
cocktail in glass with splashes

It’s a full bar and you’re ordering a vodka soda, why? Life is absolutely too short for this when there are 3,000+ sexual innuendo-named mixed drinks to try.

Lame Movies

There are too many good movies to watch to waste your time on any bad ones. If you somehow end up at some crappy ass comedy, thinking of all the better ways you could be spending your time, walk out of that theatre without any bashfulness. You could be painting your nails; cleaning out your kitchen cabinets; drinking good wine… there’s an infinite list of more worthwhile activities.

Fad Diets
TS-178976175 Diets

Screw your fad diet. This is not to condemn diets in general. Some people have genuine food restrictions. Some people feel genuine concern for animals. If you’re jumping on board a fad diet for the simple allure of it being a fad, rethink your life choices. 99 percent of the time, these diets are revealed to be not even that healthy for your average Jill anyways, so… I’ll leave the gluten in my muffin, thank you very much.

Follow Apps
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Life is too short to concern yourself over how many followers and likes you have on your social media profiles. Liberate yourself of this restraint. Spend your time finding a great and healthy recipe to try for dinner, or learning how to crochet, or picking flowers.

Cheap Beer

No; don’t bring yourself to continue consuming this cheap American lager supplied at your coworker’s housewarming party. If a high school kid knows the name of the beer you’re drinking, it’s probably not worth drinking. Have you been to a BevMo? Do you see how many craft beer options easily accessible these days? Don’t waste anymore time and calories on cheap beer. Join the craft beer revolution.


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