Dear Second Acts;
My boyfriend has a Wheaten Terrier named Brigit. He really loves that dog. And it’s understandable. She is incredibly sweet. But here’s the thing: he takes Brigit everywhere. I mean everywhere.  He will only go to restaurants that have outdoor seating and will tolerate dogs. If the weather is bad, he will not go out. No exceptions. It goes without saying that the dog sleeps with us. And she comes with us on vacation. There are plenty of hotels that accept dogs, so that’s not a problem. But when you’re on the road with a dog, it really becomes the dog’s vacation. We can’t sleep in because we need to take her for a walk. We only go to dog beaches and dog parks. We never see movies or go to museums. He has worked it out so that his whole life revolves around this canine. His first concern is always how can we make this situation work for Brigit? I never get the impression that he is ever willing to accommodate me and my needs like that. In the bedroom, Brigit howls along with us when we reach orgasm. I half expect her to hop on top of us. Even afterwards, Brigit is right there and I get the distinct impression that he is more interested in sharing the afterglow with her. His voicemail message says, “Please leave a message for me and Brigit after the tone.” What the hell? I’m the one living a dog’s life. Please help!

Certainly Not Man’s Best Friend

Dear Certainly Not;

You don’t really need my help, because you already know what to do. Make a list of demands. Today. Right now. Tell him in so many words that things have to change, that you want to be his number one pet and him to be yours. Otherwise, it’s time for you to roll over and fetch a new boyfriend…way faster than he can say sit or stay.

Cynthia

By Cynthia Amas of Second Acts Dating Service
This “advice” column is the result of art overtaking life. When author Julia Dumont created her leading lady, Cynthia Amas, for her Second Acts novels, she had no idea how domineering her character would become. Cynthia, a man-challenged matchmaker, insisted on writing her own dating advice blog. Julia tried to explain that fictional characters don’t usually write advice blogs for real people, but Cynthia was undaunted. The result is not your average dating blog, but it’s just as funny, irreverent and delightfully crazy as Cynthia.  Should you take her advice? Read on and decide for yourself.