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What Would You Sacrifice for Love?

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coupleBy Annabel Acton

Last week, one of the sellers on Never Liked It Anyway (the marketplace for breakups where, full disclosure, I work) is selling a bottle of ketchup. She says she always hated the stuff, and now that her ex is out of the house, she wants it out of the house too. The bottle is half-used; and she’s throwing in a whole one for free. Bonus! While this is obviously ridiculous, it does bring up the question of compromise. How much is too little? How much is too much?

My sister and I decided to hit the streets of the East Village to take the pulse of the nation and find out exactly, “What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever given up for love?”

1. Sarah, 24, Personal Trainer

“I once gave up alcohol. I’m a trainer so it’s not like I go that crazy, but no wine with dinner? No champagne at birthdays? No beer at the game? It was the stupidest thing I ever agreed to.”

We’re with you, Sarah. It’s one thing to date a non-drinker, and another if they expect you to abstain in solidarity.

2. Dave, 37, Media Planning

“I dated a vegan for eight months, and after the first two, I became a vegan too. It was hell. I’m sure I gave up other things, I just can’t remember. I was too weak and hungry to really know what was going on.”

When you’re weakened by dietary blows, there’s no telling what else you’ll agree to. We classify this as a gateway compromise: it starts with a dietary change and ends with a full-blown commitment. And you never know, you might end up loving a new food lifestyle. Sadly, that was not the case with Dave. Beware the tofurkey!

3. Lydia 33, Publicist

Lydia didn’t have a story of her own, but one of her best friends had to break up with a guy that kept bees in his backyard. The problem wasn’t that she didn’t like bees, she just happened to be deathly allergic to them. Though a strange tale, it’s kind of amazing to be able to say you went head-to-head with bees over a guy. Especially when they won.

4. Bills 34, Journalist

Bills once dated a guy that hated feet. His boyfriend would insist that he’d wear socks morning, noon, and night.

“So I guess I gave up being barefoot. It doesn’t sound like such a big deal, but it got ridiculous. As soon as he’d leave the house, I’d whip my feet out like I was some kind of addict sneaking around to get a hit of foot freedom.”

We’ve got to hand it to Bills. We’re not so sure we could take such a strange request seriously.

5. Jessie 28, Ph.D. Student

When she lived in London, Jessie dated a guy that was big into Skeleton Racing. For those new to this extreme sport/death wish; it’s where you sled head first down a steep icy slope at an unstoppable pace. That’s right, head-first sledding. On their third date, he took her to try it out and, being the trooper she was, she gave it a go. Yet despite her stellar efforts, he wouldn’t compromise on anything in return.

“Not even what movies we would see,” she said.

She ended up breaking up with him after he threw a fit about having to watch Argo.

6. Matt 35, Sales Manager

“I once broke up with a girl because she didn’t eat any vegetables. Except fries.”

Matt went on to explain that every time they went out, he felt like he was baby-sitting a child, not dating an adult woman. He said his friends gave him grief for ending it for the sake of a zucchini or two, but to him, those veggies represented a lifestyle that nobody was worth forfeiting.

Stay strong, Matt, one day you’ll be lucky enough to find someone equally as weird as you and weird in the same ways.

So there you have it. Whether the sacrifice is sincere or silly, it always seems like a strange thing to have done with a bit of hindsight on your side. Perhaps the key is to address the ridiculous as it crops up to help keep that healthy perspective we all seem to lose sight of.

 

Annabel Acton BIO

annabelAnnabel Acton is the founder of Never Liked It Anyway — a place to buy, sell and tell all things ex (as in exes) so you feel better faster. Going strong since 2012, it’s a fun, pro-active and positive way to move on from those dreaded breakups we all go through. Annabel is a creative strategist, entrepreneur, innovator and globe trotter. With her Never Liked It Anyway project, she’s committed to finding new and exciting ways to help people get back to fabulous.

 

The Feng Shui of Breakups

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BreakupBy Annabel Acton

Breakups are a pretty destructive force. But like any form of destruction, they leave space and opportunity to recreate, reinvent and renew. New friendships, new patterns, new experiences and new lives. I started the website neverlikeditanyway.com to help accelerate the moving on process. The website works like an eBay for breakups. You basically sell all the stuff you’re left with when a relationship ends. It was designed to be cathartic, positive and proactive — basically, everything breakups aren’t!

We have some people selling some meaningful stuff — like an engagement ring set for the reasonable breakup price of $6,000. “I thought I had found my prince charming, but it turns out he was looking for a mom not a princess.”

We also have people selling some strange stuff, like a bottle of ketchup for a grand total of $1. “I just don’t like the stuff and now that he’s gone, it’s perfectly reasonable to assume his stuff should also go.”

I had a feeling in my bones that it was a sensible idea. I mean, why would you want to hang on to souvenirs and reminders of a love lost? However, I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Dana Claudat of the Tao of Dana. She’s an inspirational expert in Feng Shui and helped explain, in a more articulate manner, why selling breakup baggage is a good idea.

Dana made a real and clear connection between our physical surroundings and our emotional state. This was the first time this had really made sense to me. She explained it simply and beautifully.

Your space is a mirror of your life. During a breakup, there is usually a period of review: “Why did this happen? How did I create (or allow!) this to happen? And the answer to that life review, more extensive than a few questions, can be found in your space.

She then went on to explain that how we dress our spaces is often a reflection of what’s going on with our lives. Whatever energy we create through our spaces, we replicate in the real world.

A person who dwells in fantasy (and fantasy relationships) often has a very airy-fairy, ethereal sense of space and may need more heavy objects and solid colors and even an area rug to create a sense of being grounded and more physically present.

Or you may find that you are living with tons of clutter in your space and you have, similarly, attracted a partner who has chaos in some ways. Clear that clutter for yourself and keep it clear. You will find far more clarity in keeping your space free of obstacles.

While this might sound a bit tricky to get your head around, if you really think about it makes sense. For most of the objects in my house, I can tell you a little story about them. Some are positive stories and reflections of who I am and where I am headed. Others are more binding, restricting and reflect a time in my life I’m happy to have moved on from. Yet they remain in my house. And therefore in my psyche.

“When you clear out the old, you stop constantly triggering yourself and sticking in this emotional energy pattern of the past,” Dana says.

Clearing out and selling these souvenirs of your old life, and your old love, feels like a necessary step towards healing and moving on. Not doing so almost seems like going swimming with clothes on. You’re just making it harder for yourself. The great thing about this way of thinking, is that it has application well beyond breakups. When you think about who you are and where you’re headed, it’s important to clear the way for what you want to grow into; not reflect a past that perhaps is weighing you down.

Annabel Acton BIO

Annabel Acton is the founder of Never Liked It Anyway — a place to buy, sell and tell all things ex (as in exes) so you feel better faster. Going strong since 2012, it’s a fun, pro-active and positive way to move on from those dreaded breakups we all go through. Annabel is a creative strategist, entrepreneur, innovator and globe trotter. With her Never Liked It Anyway project, she’s committed to finding new and exciting ways to help people get back to fabulous.