Know how to ruin the perfect lazy Sunday? This sounds pretty damn close to me: you’re spending some good quality time on the couch with your beau, watching the latest Kristen Wiig masterpiece and enjoying that Seamless dinner when his phone rings. No, it’s not his mum or mate or boss, but surprise surprise, his ex-girlfriend! He gives you that “sorry babe, important” look and leaves the room to answer her call. Welcome to that awkward situation every girl wants to be cool about but very few can – your guy and his ex are actually friends! This week, one of our crew just couldn’t stay silent about it anymore and needed to react. So once again we called on the powers of Cinderella and Beyonce and asked what would they do?
Cinderella would be her absolutely loving and charming self and invite his ex to join you on the couch. And yes, of course, to share your favorite tofu salad (anyone else think Cinderella would be a vegan?!) and sav blanc. And then you’d have all the time in the world to make the evening all about her and her love life…and how no one else can live up to how well YOUR boyfriend used to treat her. The way Cinderella would see it, if the ex is important to her man she’s important to her, too. He will appreciate your kindness, she will become your bestie too and you’ll all live happily ever after.
Beyoncé however would flip sh*t the minute that phone rings. How dare he interrupt your quality time to answer her call. Why does she still have his number in the first place? You’re his queen now and there clearly is only room for one queen in his life. So being besties with his ex-girlfriend an absolute no-go!
But is it really that black and white? Why does this situation freak us out in the first place? Is she really the problem or is there a problem in your relationship? When you’re having that mental meltdown – these are the real things to consider:
1. What are you afraid of?
Forget the extra 5 pounds you have on her! Why are you so freaked out by the thought of him spending time with her? Are you afraid he might cheat on you? Are you afraid she might give him something you can’t? If you’re afraid he might still have feelings for her that’s definitely something that needs to be talked about whether or not they’re friends that hang out. The silent treatment will just make you more paranoid and push him away.
2. Are you overreacting?
Take a step back for a second. You gotta admit, no matter what happens towards the end of a relationship the person we once loved will always remain a part of our life in one way or the other. You might reminisce about your past loves during bad days or curse about the ones who hurt you during drunk moments, but you will most definitely never forget them. So doesn’t your beau deserve to decide how to deal with his past loves? At the end of the day they’ve shared a significant part of their lives and she’s supported him in times well before you were on the scene. So giving some room to respect their past, without impeding on your future, is reasonable.
3. Do you need to speak now or can you forever hold your peace?
Most importantly, be honest with yourself. Will you freak out every time you see her name on the display? Will this issue always create huge awkwardness between the two of you and leave you feeling deeply uncomfortable? Or can you accept how he chooses to stay in touch with his ex? Can you trust him completely and not check your phone every two seconds when he’s out for coffee with her? You need to decide for yourself once and for all – do you need to address the issue or can you let it go? Don’t become a ticking time bomb!
Just remember, everybody has an ex. And we’re all somebody’s ex too. If you DO decide to voice your concern he might be repelled by your jealousy! He could however also be completely understanding and save both of you a lot of unnecessary fights. The important thing here is to be honest with yourself.
(From Never Liked It Anyway, the number one destination for all things break-ups and bounce-back! It’s the place to buy, sell and tell all things ex! Sell your breakup baggage, tell your story and join the community of rock stars bouncing back better than ever! )