Vampire Jokes


laughing vampireVampire Joke 1
Why did the vampire attack the clown? He wanted the circus to be in his blood.

Vampire Joke 2
Did you hear about the vampire who had an eye for the ladies? He used to keep it in his back pocket.

Vampire Joke 3
What is Dracula’s favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.

Vampire Joke 4
When the picture of the vampire’s grandmother crashed to the floor in the middle of the night what did it mean? That the nail had come out of the wall.

Vampire Joke 5
What is a vampire’s favourite soup ? Scream of mushroom !

Vampire Joke 6
What happened to the two mad vampires? They both went a little batty.

Vampire Joke 7
What do vampires cross the sea in? Blood vessels.

Vampire Joke 8
What do vampire footballers have at half-time? Blood oranges.

Vampire Joke 9
Why did the vampire take up acting? It was in his blood.

Vampire Joke 10
Who plays center forward for the vampire football team? The ghoulscorer.

Vampire Joke 11
Which vampire ate the three bears porridge? Ghouldilocks.

Vampire Joke 12
Which vampire tried to eat James Bond? Ghouldfinger.

Vampire Joke 13
When do vampires bite you? On Wincedays.

Vampire Joke 14
Why did the vampire enjoy ballroom dancing? He could really get into the vaultz.

Vampire Joke 15
What is the first thing that vampires learn at school? The alphabat.

Vampire Joke 16
Why is Hollywood full of vampires? They need someone to play the bit parts.

Vampire Joke 17
Why wouldn’t the vampire eat his soup? It clotted.

Vampire Joke 18
Why was the young vampire a failure? Because he fainted at the sight of blood.

Vampire Joke 19
What is the vampire’s favorite slogan? Please Give Blood Generously.

Vampire Joke 20
How does a vampire clean his house? With a victim cleaner.

Vampire Joke 21
What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower? A bat mat.

Vampire Joke 22
What do you call a vampire junkie? Count Drugula.

Vampire Joke 23
What is a vampire’s favorite sport? Batminton.

Vampire Joke 24
Why do vampires hate arguments? Because they make themselves cross.

Vampire Joke 25
Did you hear about the vampire who died of a broken heart? He had loved in vein.

Vampire Joke 26
Did you hear about the vampire who got married? He proposed to his girl-fiend.

Vampire Joke 27
Two men were having a drink together. One said, “I d rather live with a vampire than with my wife.” “Why’s that?” asked the other. “Because she’s always trying to bite my head off,” he replied.

Vampire Joke 28
Why did the vampire have pedestrian eyes? They looked both ways before they crossed.

Vampire Joke 29
What do you call a vampire after it is one-year-old? A two-year-old vampire.

Vampire Joke 30
Why was the vampire thought of as simple-minded? Because he was a complete sucker.

Vampire Joke 31
What’s a vampire’s favorite hobby? In-grave-ing.

Vampire Joke 32
How do you join a Vampire Fan Club? Send your name, address and blood group.

Vampire Joke 33
How does a vampire enter his house? Through the bat flap.

Vampire Joke 34
Why does Dracula always travel with his coffin? Because his life is at stake.

Vampire Joke 35
What do vampires have at eleven o clock every day? A coffin break.

Vampire Joke 36
What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold? Coffin medicine.

Vampire Joke 37
What happened when a doctor crossed a parrot with a vampire? It bit his neck, sucked his blood and said, “Who’s a pretty boy then?”

Vampire Joke 38
Why does Dracula have no friends? Because he’s a pain in the neck.

Vampire Joke 39
How does Dracula like to have his food served? In bite-sized pieces.

Vampire Joke 40
What do you get if you cross Dracula with AI Capone? A fangster.

Vampire Joke 41
What does Mrs Dracula say to Mr Dracula when he leaves for work in the evening? Have a nice bite!

Vampire Joke 42
How does Dracula keep fit? He plays batminton.

Vampire Joke 43
What does Dracula say when you tell him a new fact? Well, fangcy that!

Vampire Joke 44
Did you know that Dracula wants to become a comedian? He’s looking for a crypt writer.

Vampire Joke 45
Why did Dracula go to the orthodontist? He wanted to improve his bite.

Vampire Joke 46
What is Dracula’s favorite pudding? Leeches and scream.

Vampire Joke 47
What do you get if you cross Dracula with a snail? The world’s slowest vampire.

Vampire Joke 48
Why did Dracula miss lunch? Because he didn’t fancy the stake.

Vampire Joke 49
When he’s out driving, where does Dracula like to stop and eat? The Happy Biter.

Vampire Joke 50
What do you think of Dracula films? Fangtastic!

Vampire Joke 51
Where did vampires go to first in America? New-fang-land.

Vampire Joke 52
What is the American national day for vampires? Fangsgiving Day.

Vampire Joke 53
How do vampires keep their breath smelling nice? They use extractor fangs.

Vampire Joke 54
How does a vampire get through life with only one fang? He has to grin and bare it.

Vampire Joke 55
What has webbed feet and fangs? Count Quackula.

Vampire Joke 56
Doctor, doctor, I think I’ve been bitten by a vampire. Drink this glass of water. Will it make me better? No, but I ll be able to see if your neck leaks.

Vampire Joke 57
Why did the vampire go to hospital? He wanted his ghoulstones removed.

Vampire Joke 58
What’s it called when a vampire kisses you goodnight? Necking.

Vampire Joke 59
Where is Dracula’s American office? The Vampire State Building.

Vampire Joke 60
Did you hear about the vampire who joined an orchestra? He stood on the roof and conducted lightning.

Vampire Joke 61
Why did the vampire sit on a pumpkin? It wanted to play squash.

Vampire Joke 62
What’s pink, lives in a sty and drinks blood? A hampire.

Vampire Joke 63
What type of people do vampires like? Type O positive people.

Vampire Joke 64
What kind of typewriters do vampires like? Blood type-writers.

Vampire Joke 65
What does Dracula say to his victims? It’s been nice gnawing you.

Vampire Joke 66
What should you do if a vampire borrows your comic? Wait for him to give it back.

Vampire Joke 67
Why was Dracula always willing to help young vampires? Because he liked to see new blood in the business.

Vampire Joke 68
One vampire to the other : ” Let’s go and have a drink.I know a cosy little mortuary just round the corner”!

Vampire Joke 69
Did you hear about the doctor who crossed a parrot with a vampire ? It bit his neck, sucked his blood, and said, Who’s a pretty boy then ? !

Vampire Joke 70
What did the vampire do to stop his son biting his nails ? He cut all his fingers off !

Vampire Joke 71
Who is a vampire likely to fall in love with ? The girl necks door.

Vampire Joke 72
Why is it tough to compete against a vampire? Because they re always out for blood!

Vampire Joke 73
Did you hear about the vampire in Camelot? He was a bite of the Round Table!

Vampire Joke 74
What does a vampire take for a cold? Coffin syrup!

Vampire Joke 75
What is the best way to talk to a vampire? By long distance.

Vampire Joke 76
What do you call a vampire that can lift up cars ? Jack-u-la !

Vampire Joke 77
What do you call a vampire in a raincoat ? Mack-u-la !

Vampire Joke 78
What do you get if you cross a vampire and a circus entertainer ? Something that goes straight for the juggler !

Vampire Joke 79
What do you get if you cross a vampire and a mummy ? Something you wouldn’t want to unwrap !

Vampire Joke 80
Why did the vampire go crazy at Burger King? He saw all that catsup and wanted a transfusion.

Vampire Joke 81
What do vampires make sandwiches out of? Self-raising dead.

Vampire Joke 82
What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snail? I don’t know but it would slow him down.

Vampire Joke 83
Why did the vampire stand at the bus stop with his finger up his nose? He was a ghoulsnif fer.

Vampire Joke 84
What’s a vampire’s favorite drink? A Bloody Mary.

Vampire Joke 85
Why are vampire families so close? Because blood is thicker than water.

Vampire Joke 86
Which flavor ice cream is Dracula’s favorite? Vein-illa.

Vampire Joke 87
What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot? A bite in shining armor.

Vampire Joke 88
What’s Dracula’s car called? A mobile blood unit.

Vampire Joke 89
What do you call a vampire junkie? Count Drugula.

Vampire Joke 90
Why do vampires hate arguments? Because they make themselves cross.

Vampire Joke 91
How does a girl vampire flirt? She bats her eyes.

Vampire Joke 92
MUMMY VAMPIRE: Jimmy, hurry up and drink your soup before it clots.

Vampire Joke 93
Do you know how to catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut!

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