You Can Bite My Neck Anytime

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I never believed in psychics or their predictions until that crisp October night. After what fate delivered into my hands, I realized that some things just have their own way of working out for the best. Destiny really can surprise you when you least expect it!

“Don’t worry! You’re going to have fun tonight. You need to meet some new people, and have a sense of adventure. You’re too boring, Winnie,” Mallory snapped.

I watched my “friend” strut toward the two-story house, her spiked heels clicking along the stone pathway. I pursed my lips and shook my head. I couldn’t believe I’d just heard that. Some friend Mallory was turning out to be! I’d only met her three weeks ago in a jewelry-making class and didn’t know her that well. In fact, the more I got to know her, the less I liked her. Mallory had seemed friendly enough at first, but now, her snide comments and obnoxious attitude were grating on my nerves.

I followed Mallory onto the wooden porch. Loud music blared from inside the house. I felt my stomach drop. The last thing I wanted to do tonight was go to a party where I didn’t know a soul. But, deep down, I knew I shouldn’t refuse the invitation. I was surprised when Mallory invited me to her friend’s Halloween party. At the time, it sounded like fun. But now that I was here, all I wanted to do was go home and curl up on the couch with a glass of red wine and a good book.

“I wouldn’t mention what you told me to anyone here. They’ll think you’re a nut. Nobody believes in psychics!” Mallory laughed.

I let out a deep sigh. How had I gotten myself into this? Mallory and I had been talking about horoscopes, and then we’d gotten onto the topic of psychics. I had innocently mentioned my visit to the fortuneteller a few weeks ago, and that had set Mallory off.

“I’m not a nut; I just said it was intriguing, Mallory.”

I didn’t disguise the bitterness in my voice. The trip to the psychic had been interesting. I went in expecting to see an older woman dressed like a gypsy staring into a crystal ball. I’d been skeptical, and I made sure not to give her any hints or clues about my life or my present situation. To my surprise, though, the middle-aged woman who read my tarot cards seemed to know all about me. It was almost spooky. She told me things that nobody else could possibly have known.

Mallory turned, and her red devil costume billowed up around her thighs. “Someone from your past will enter your life? Ha!” She knocked on the door. “You can’t really believe that nonsense, Winnie.”

“Well, that’s what the woman said,” I replied. “She was right about a lot of other things. Analisa even knew that my real . . . oh, never mind,” I muttered. I was sorry I ever told Mallory about the psychic, and I hoped that she’d let the subject drop. I didn’t need to be teased about it all night.

I busied myself by adjusting the top of my harem dancer outfit. The dark, sheer skirt and low-cut sequined top exposed my stomach and left me feeling chilly in the night air. Although the costume fit fine, I thought I looked ridiculous. I’d never worn anything so flashy before, but the get-up was all that was left at the Halloween store. Compared to Mallory’s revealing dress, though, I might as well have been wearing flannel pajamas.

The grim reaper answered the door and beckoned us inside. Mallory paraded me through the crowded living room filled with an assortment of clowns, cowboys, and pirates. The interior of the house was decorated with orange and black streamers and balloons.

I tried to ignore the stares and raised eyebrows I got as I passed by in my seductive costume. Someone let out a whistle, and I cringed. My ensemble made me feel exposed—like I was on the prowl for a one-night stand or something. My skin prickled, and I tried to ignore the obvious leering glances as I followed Mallory through the lower half of the house. She seemed to know all the men there . . . and I wasn’t surprised.

“You mingle around, Winnie. I’m going to find the bar.” Mallory vanished into the sea of costumed people without another word.

I shook my head. This was just great. I should have known better than to get mixed up with Mallory. We were like night and day. Seeing her in jewelry class was one thing, and she was okay to talk to twice a week, but we hadn’t socialized much outside of class before tonight and right now I doubted that I’d even speak to her after the party.

I inwardly cursed myself for letting Mallory drive me. I could be stranded—bored to tears—until she decided that it was time to go home. And who knew when that was going to be?

I looked around the living room, hoping to spot someone who appeared friendly. Everyone seemed to know each other. That only added to my insecurity. I’d never been good at big parties. I liked more quiet, sedate settings, or small, friendly gatherings. It also didn’t help that I felt naked in my skimpy outfit.

I helped myself to a cup of punch from the dining room table and retreated into a dimly lit section of the kitchen hallway. I leaned against the wall and replayed last week’s visit to the psychic. It had only cost fifty dollars, and I hadn’t seen any harm in it. I’d asked Analisa about my job, and of course, my love life, such that it was. Analisa gazed at the tarot cards for a moment, and then said that someone from my past would soon reenter my life.

I didn’t think much of it at the time, but Analisa had been right about a lot of things that she couldn’t have possibly known about. She talked about me getting married and moving, and ending up with three children. I was more skeptical about that than anything else.

Before I left, she had advised me not to refuse any invitations for the next two months. That didn’t seem too hard. This was the only party I’d been invited to in ages. But despite Analisa’s advice, I regretted coming, anyway. Maybe I just wasn’t ready to get out and socialize yet.

My psychic reading wasn’t the only reason I went to the party. I felt that I needed to start getting out more. Taking the jewelry class had been my first step toward building a new life for myself. The breakup with John two months ago had been hard to get over, but now I felt like I was ready to start fresh. Unfortunately, I hadn’t come across any good dating prospects at work or anywhere else.

I sipped my drink and stared down at my purple toenails. Maybe I should go back to the living room and socialize a little, I thought. At least it would pass the time.


The deep voice startled me. I whirled around and sloshed half of my punch onto my chest. Gwyneth? Nobody had called me that in years! Hardly anyone even knew my real name.

I turned and gazed up into the handsome face of Count Dracula.

“I’m so sorry, Winnie; I. . . .” the count mumbled and smiled, displaying his fangs. “Hang on.” He removed the plastic teeth and put them in his pocket. “It’s hard to talk with those in. I didn’t mean to scare you. Well, I mean, I did, but I didn’t want you to spill your drink.” He chuckled.

I stared at him, trying to figure out who he was. He had to be someone I knew pretty well. I never told casual acquaintances my real name. Analisa had known, though. That’s why I’d believed her about the other things.

I studied Dracula for a moment. His white face makeup distorted his features, but the rumbling voice sounded so familiar. Under the makeup and without his black hair slicked back . . . could it be? “Ace? Is that you?” I exclaimed.

He grinned and nodded. “Yes. It’s me. Surprise! Happy Halloween!”

My heart skipped a beat. Ace looked even sexier now than when I’d last seen him three years ago. He still had the same hazel-green eyes, strong jawline, and dark hair I’d dreamt about running my fingers through. But for some reason, he seemed taller than I knew him to be. Something was different about his shoulders, too. He had filled out or bulked up, or something. . . .

Lust-filled memories of the past washed over me, and I tried to keep my composure. “Where did you come from?” I looked into his eyes and caught him staring at my exposed midriff.

Ace glanced up, and a guilty grin spread across his face. “You spilled your drink.”

Ace pulled a white handkerchief from his pocket, dipped it in his club soda, and gently wiped the sticky punch off my collarbone. I gasped as a rivulet of cold liquid trickled down my chest. Ace’s actions sent a familiar ripple of desire coursing through me. Time hadn’t erased my feelings for him. He still had the same effect on my mind and body.

Ace stepped back and shook his head. “I’m sorry. That was so forward of me. I haven’t seen you in three years and I . . . I was watching you from the corner and I couldn’t believe my eyes. What are you doing here? Do you work with Sal?”

“No.” I shook my head, and the bells braided into my long hair jingled. “I’m not sure what I’m doing here.” I shrugged. “A woman I met in a class invited me, then abandoned me the second we got here. This was sort of something to do to get me out of the house. I don’t know anyone here at all.”

Ace and I had been good friends and had shared so much at one point; I knew that he’d understand my dilemma. “You know how I am, Ace. I’m not very good at big parties.” I swirled the ice in my drink and tried to calm my rapidly beating heart.

“Well, you know me—that’s more than enough.” Ace smiled.

Ace draped his black cape around my shoulders. The cool satin caressed my bare skin, and my body tingled with excitement. Never in all the years we’d worked together had he gotten so close—no matter how many times I’d wished for it.

Even though there was an undeniable, mutual attraction between us years ago, neither one of us had ever acted on it, or even acknowledged it. It just seemed better that way. At the time, Ace had a girlfriend, and despite all my longings and hopes, I accepted the fact that we would just remain friends. I relaxed under his touch and tried to act casual. “So, what have you been doing all this time, Ace?”

“Let’s see . . . after I left Karos Printing, I got engaged to Leah.” He arched his left eyebrow. “And then I got dumped two months before the wedding. I was pretty miserable, so I went to Arizona for three years. I just moved back here last month. Now I work with Sal, running phone lines and wiring for his office.”

Engaged? Dumped? My pulse quickened. Did this mean that Ace was single? What had happened between him and Leah? They’d seemed so happy together. Ace always used to talk about her. The one time Ace had introduced me to Leah, she hadn’t looked too happy to meet me. Had she been jealous of our relationship?

Everyone in the office knew that Ace and I were good friends, but that was as far as it went. Although, so much time had passed over the years, it hadn’t lessened my attraction to him.

I was about to suggest that we exchange phone numbers and get caught up sometime, when Ace cleared his throat and leaned close to me. He started playing with the bells in my hair. I caught a whiff of his exotic, spicy-scented cologne. It invited me to get closer.

“What have you been doing? Is there anyone special in your life?” he asked.

I shook my head. “No; not at all.” Ace’s hinting wasn’t lost on me for a second, and I was elated. “I got a new job last year, and I’ve been keeping busy with night classes and traveling.” I sipped my punch and stared into his dazzling eyes.

“You know, instead of moving away, I should’ve called you, Winnie. I always wondered what it would have been like if we went out. We had great times at the office.”

I almost choked on my punch. “What?”

Ace toyed with the nylon veil hanging from my waist. His fingers touched my skin, and an electric tingle raced through me.

“You heard me, Win. We always had lots of fun together. You and I were more compatible than Leah and I ever were.” Ace sighed and shook his head. “I don’t know why I didn’t realize it at the time. I guess it always was in the back of my mind, but I didn’t want to take the risk. But that was the old me. Now, I’m more adventurous, more bold.”

Ace sipped his club soda and gestured toward my harem girl outfit. “This is an interesting costume,” he said, slipping his arm around my waist.

My heart raced as his warm hand stroked my stomach. Ace had been an unobtainable fantasy that got me through many boring days stuck behind my desk at the office. When we’d worked together, we’d both go out of our way to visit each other’s cubicles several times a day. Had Ace ever sat at his desk and fantasized about me, too?

“I’m glad you like it,” I replied. The costume that had previously left me feeling vulnerable and exposed now allowed me to be playful, and sexy. I trailed my fingers along the back of Ace’s wide hand and batted my lashes at him. “You look very elegant. You’re not a spooky kind of vampire.”

I found his choice of costume rather appropriate, actually. After all, vampires were famous for their ability to mesmerize and seduce helpless women. I felt myself falling under Ace’s spell. I was helpless to fight it—and I didn’t want to.

Ace pulled me up against his chest. “Yes. We vampires all have one thing in common: We always go for the neck.”

I giggled as he draped his cape over us. All of a sudden, Ace’s warm, sexy lips nuzzled my throat. I gasped and wrapped my arms around his broad back. I let out a throaty moan as he trailed tiny kisses down my neck, and ignited a fire deep within me. Talk about tension. . . .

Ace pulled away and I gazed into his eyes. “Does this mean that I’m your helpless victim?” I whispered.

“If you want to be.”

“Absolutely,” I answered.

Ace’s mouth covered mine, and he kissed me down to my soul. I melted in his arms. I had waited years for this moment, and I couldn’t believe it was actually happening.

Several minutes later, we broke our passionate embrace. “I love this costume on you, Winnie. It’s so sexy,” Ace said, as he stroked my back. He nibbled my earlobe, and I pressed myself closer to him.

“Do you still like jazz, Winnie?” he asked.

I nodded. After all these years, he remembered. “Of course.”

Ace played with the veil hanging off my waist again. It seemed like he couldn’t keep his hands off of me; I didn’t mind one bit. “Why don’t we get out of here? I read in the paper that a little jazz club just opened up over in Cortland. We can relive our old memories and maybe make a few new ones.” Ace paused and licked his lips. “I’d be more than happy to drive you home afterward, Gwyneth.”

I grinned. From the look in Ace’s eyes, I had a feeling that we wouldn’t be at the jazz club for too long. He might have been driving me home, but I anticipated him waking up in my bed in the morning. I prayed that my pent-up fantasies about him would all be realized.

I leaned forward and kissed the side of his neck. “I’d love to. I’d go anywhere with you, Count.”

   I turned and saw Mallory standing in the hallway. She had a puzzled expression on her face. In all the excitement of meeting up with Ace again, I had forgotten all about her. I rested my head on Ace’s shoulder and smirked. “Oh, Mallory—here’s someone from my past I’d like you to meet.”   Analisa had been right about so much. The party, meeting the person from my past, and even the part I hadn’t dared to tell anyone about—the wedding! She had predicted that I’d be a June bride.

Ace and I were married on June 10th last year, and we couldn’t be happier. Fate delivered me my true love!








Aris Rising: The Court of Vampires


By Devin Morgan

Can true love survive despite the passage of centuries of time? Psychologist Sarah Hagan may have to pay the ultimate price to obtain the answer. Sarah’s once safe, quiet life working as a hypnotherapist in Chicago has been completely up-ended by Aris, a vampire whose story first began during the time of Alexander the Great. Aris has taken over the human body of one of Sarah’s patients so that he can be once again close to the only woman to have ever captured his heart. Before Sarah can be sure of her love for Aris, she must overcome obstacles not only in her own modern-day world, but also in Aris’ underground world of the Catacombs, as well as in the mountains of Spain where a vampire war threatens to erupt.
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“Aris Rising is a fantastic read with just the right elements of mystery, adventure, and romance. The second in a trilogy–it is hard to put down. Aris Rising is a fantastic read with just the right elements of mystery, adventure, and romance. The second in a trilogy–it is hard to put down. I am already anticipating the further adventures of Aris in the third book. America was fascinated with Fifty Shades of Grey but Devin Morgan’s book Aris Returns is far better written and totally exciting. I can’t wait until these become a blockbuster movie!!” –Richard, Amazon



An Interview With Aris

By Melanie Fairchild
On many occasions I have interviewed authors just before the release of their newest work, but this is the first time I have ever had a conversation with the main character of an historical fiction novel. I must admit as I sat in the bar of the Biltmore Hotel waiting to have a heart-to-heart with a two-thousand-year old vampire, I had my doubts about the validity of the whole situation as well as the sanity of my editor for sending me on such a wild goose chase. Read More

Does Dracula Untold “Suck”?

dracula suckscropFrom a TruLOVE stories staff writer:

I was lured into seeing “Dracula Untold.” Yup. It wasn’t my first choice for a date night movie.  What is it about Vampires that can be so sexy though? I had been promised by my boyfriend that this movie was about the romantic angle of Dracula sacrificing himself for love and ultimately to protect his family. “It is an origin story with heart!” he assured me. But from what I saw of the trailers, I had some hesitation; this movie looked like it was going to be all bats and blood and war… But Luke Evans, that cute guy from the last Hobbit movie (yeah, the boyfriend dragged me to that movie too) is playing Dracula, so I agreed.

And it was terrible. Where was the love story? Where was the sexy? Actually, where were any of the things that make Dracula cool at all? I don’t want to spoil any of it for you,  and while I may be alone in wanting to see a romantic and heroic Vampire character when I go to see a Vampire movie, I think most audiences want a Dracula that is powerful, and evil and ya know…just cool.  None of that is really here in “Dracula Untold.”

I have decided the next date night movie the boyfriend is going to take me to will be “Gone Girl.” I assured him that even if “Dracula Untold” didn’t scare the pants off him, this movie would.

How To Know If You Are A Real Vampire

are u vampAre there two gaping holes in your neck trickling blood? Do you suddenly have a strong hatred of garlic? Does the thought of sleeping in a coffin inside of a dark cave come across as appealing to you? Well, there is some good news and some bad news in your future. The bad news is that you might be a vampire. The good news is, YOU MIGHT BE A VAMPIRE!

You have just gained immortality, incredible strength, the ability to turn into a bat and your sexual prowess is now off the charts!

On the other hand, maybe you’ve just been bitten on the neck by a spider, have an allergy to garlic and don’t like intense light in your eyes. Maybe you’re human after all. But how do you know for sure? Well according to, here is a list of questions and facts you should review to find out if you are a real vampire or not.

1. Are you a naturally strong magic/energy user self-taught or self-realized?

2. Are your nails clear like glass, yet very strong?

3. A legitimate Vampire is able to safely digest more than 600% of the daily recommended amount of iron when in the form of blood.

If any of these seem to ring true, you might seek some help. Being a vampire is nothing to be ashamed of, it’s just a new lifestyle you have to adapt to. For more information or for further testing, visit the brilliant writing of Steve Leighton at

The Untold Story of Dracula Is Here!

dracula untoldJust when you thought you knew everything about Dracula, a new twist in the storyline has been discovered in the new film, Dracula Untold, which opens in theaters this Friday (October 10).

Rather than focus on Irish novelist Bram Stoker’s 1897 novel Dracula, the film creates an origin story for Count Dracula by portraying the story of Vlad the Impaler, who uses dark powers to protect his family and kingdom. In order to save his son, his wife Mirena and the kingdom he loves, Vlad journeys to Broken Tooth Mountain, where he encounters an ancient sorcerer, Caligula, and enters into a Faustian bargain—one that gives the prince the strength of 100 men, the speed of a falling star and enough power to destroy his enemies. However, he will be afflicted with an insatiable thirst to drink human blood. This ultimately leads him to embrace his destiny as the legendary vampire Dracula.

The title role is played by sexy Luke Evans (The Hobbit, Fast and the Furious 6) and co-stars Sarah Gadon and Dominic Cooper. It’s directed by first-time feature film director, Gary Shore. Watch the trailer here:

Vampire Jokes

laughing vampireVampire Joke 1
Why did the vampire attack the clown? He wanted the circus to be in his blood.

Vampire Joke 2
Did you hear about the vampire who had an eye for the ladies? He used to keep it in his back pocket.

Vampire Joke 3
What is Dracula’s favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.

Vampire Joke 4
When the picture of the vampire’s grandmother crashed to the floor in the middle of the night what did it mean? That the nail had come out of the wall.

Vampire Joke 5
What is a vampire’s favourite soup ? Scream of mushroom !

Vampire Joke 6
What happened to the two mad vampires? They both went a little batty.

Vampire Joke 7
What do vampires cross the sea in? Blood vessels.

Vampire Joke 8
What do vampire footballers have at half-time? Blood oranges.

Vampire Joke 9
Why did the vampire take up acting? It was in his blood.

Vampire Joke 10
Who plays center forward for the vampire football team? The ghoulscorer.

Vampire Joke 11
Which vampire ate the three bears porridge? Ghouldilocks.

Vampire Joke 12
Which vampire tried to eat James Bond? Ghouldfinger.

Vampire Joke 13
When do vampires bite you? On Wincedays.

Vampire Joke 14
Why did the vampire enjoy ballroom dancing? He could really get into the vaultz.

Vampire Joke 15
What is the first thing that vampires learn at school? The alphabat.

Vampire Joke 16
Why is Hollywood full of vampires? They need someone to play the bit parts.

Vampire Joke 17
Why wouldn’t the vampire eat his soup? It clotted.

Vampire Joke 18
Why was the young vampire a failure? Because he fainted at the sight of blood.

Vampire Joke 19
What is the vampire’s favorite slogan? Please Give Blood Generously.

Vampire Joke 20
How does a vampire clean his house? With a victim cleaner.

Vampire Joke 21
What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower? A bat mat.

Vampire Joke 22
What do you call a vampire junkie? Count Drugula.

Vampire Joke 23
What is a vampire’s favorite sport? Batminton.

Vampire Joke 24
Why do vampires hate arguments? Because they make themselves cross.

Vampire Joke 25
Did you hear about the vampire who died of a broken heart? He had loved in vein.

Vampire Joke 26
Did you hear about the vampire who got married? He proposed to his girl-fiend.

Vampire Joke 27
Two men were having a drink together. One said, “I d rather live with a vampire than with my wife.” “Why’s that?” asked the other. “Because she’s always trying to bite my head off,” he replied.

Vampire Joke 28
Why did the vampire have pedestrian eyes? They looked both ways before they crossed.

Vampire Joke 29
What do you call a vampire after it is one-year-old? A two-year-old vampire.

Vampire Joke 30
Why was the vampire thought of as simple-minded? Because he was a complete sucker.

Vampire Joke 31
What’s a vampire’s favorite hobby? In-grave-ing.

Vampire Joke 32
How do you join a Vampire Fan Club? Send your name, address and blood group.

Vampire Joke 33
How does a vampire enter his house? Through the bat flap.

Vampire Joke 34
Why does Dracula always travel with his coffin? Because his life is at stake.

Vampire Joke 35
What do vampires have at eleven o clock every day? A coffin break.

Vampire Joke 36
What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold? Coffin medicine.

Vampire Joke 37
What happened when a doctor crossed a parrot with a vampire? It bit his neck, sucked his blood and said, “Who’s a pretty boy then?”

Vampire Joke 38
Why does Dracula have no friends? Because he’s a pain in the neck.

Vampire Joke 39
How does Dracula like to have his food served? In bite-sized pieces.

Vampire Joke 40
What do you get if you cross Dracula with AI Capone? A fangster.

Vampire Joke 41
What does Mrs Dracula say to Mr Dracula when he leaves for work in the evening? Have a nice bite!

Vampire Joke 42
How does Dracula keep fit? He plays batminton.

Vampire Joke 43
What does Dracula say when you tell him a new fact? Well, fangcy that!

Vampire Joke 44
Did you know that Dracula wants to become a comedian? He’s looking for a crypt writer.

Vampire Joke 45
Why did Dracula go to the orthodontist? He wanted to improve his bite.

Vampire Joke 46
What is Dracula’s favorite pudding? Leeches and scream.

Vampire Joke 47
What do you get if you cross Dracula with a snail? The world’s slowest vampire.

Vampire Joke 48
Why did Dracula miss lunch? Because he didn’t fancy the stake.

Vampire Joke 49
When he’s out driving, where does Dracula like to stop and eat? The Happy Biter.

Vampire Joke 50
What do you think of Dracula films? Fangtastic!

Vampire Joke 51
Where did vampires go to first in America? New-fang-land.

Vampire Joke 52
What is the American national day for vampires? Fangsgiving Day.

Vampire Joke 53
How do vampires keep their breath smelling nice? They use extractor fangs.

Vampire Joke 54
How does a vampire get through life with only one fang? He has to grin and bare it.

Vampire Joke 55
What has webbed feet and fangs? Count Quackula.

Vampire Joke 56
Doctor, doctor, I think I’ve been bitten by a vampire. Drink this glass of water. Will it make me better? No, but I ll be able to see if your neck leaks.

Vampire Joke 57
Why did the vampire go to hospital? He wanted his ghoulstones removed.

Vampire Joke 58
What’s it called when a vampire kisses you goodnight? Necking.

Vampire Joke 59
Where is Dracula’s American office? The Vampire State Building.

Vampire Joke 60
Did you hear about the vampire who joined an orchestra? He stood on the roof and conducted lightning.

Vampire Joke 61
Why did the vampire sit on a pumpkin? It wanted to play squash.

Vampire Joke 62
What’s pink, lives in a sty and drinks blood? A hampire.

Vampire Joke 63
What type of people do vampires like? Type O positive people.

Vampire Joke 64
What kind of typewriters do vampires like? Blood type-writers.

Vampire Joke 65
What does Dracula say to his victims? It’s been nice gnawing you.

Vampire Joke 66
What should you do if a vampire borrows your comic? Wait for him to give it back.

Vampire Joke 67
Why was Dracula always willing to help young vampires? Because he liked to see new blood in the business.

Vampire Joke 68
One vampire to the other : ” Let’s go and have a drink.I know a cosy little mortuary just round the corner”!

Vampire Joke 69
Did you hear about the doctor who crossed a parrot with a vampire ? It bit his neck, sucked his blood, and said, Who’s a pretty boy then ? !

Vampire Joke 70
What did the vampire do to stop his son biting his nails ? He cut all his fingers off !

Vampire Joke 71
Who is a vampire likely to fall in love with ? The girl necks door.

Vampire Joke 72
Why is it tough to compete against a vampire? Because they re always out for blood!

Vampire Joke 73
Did you hear about the vampire in Camelot? He was a bite of the Round Table!

Vampire Joke 74
What does a vampire take for a cold? Coffin syrup!

Vampire Joke 75
What is the best way to talk to a vampire? By long distance.

Vampire Joke 76
What do you call a vampire that can lift up cars ? Jack-u-la !

Vampire Joke 77
What do you call a vampire in a raincoat ? Mack-u-la !

Vampire Joke 78
What do you get if you cross a vampire and a circus entertainer ? Something that goes straight for the juggler !

Vampire Joke 79
What do you get if you cross a vampire and a mummy ? Something you wouldn’t want to unwrap !

Vampire Joke 80
Why did the vampire go crazy at Burger King? He saw all that catsup and wanted a transfusion.

Vampire Joke 81
What do vampires make sandwiches out of? Self-raising dead.

Vampire Joke 82
What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snail? I don’t know but it would slow him down.

Vampire Joke 83
Why did the vampire stand at the bus stop with his finger up his nose? He was a ghoulsnif fer.

Vampire Joke 84
What’s a vampire’s favorite drink? A Bloody Mary.

Vampire Joke 85
Why are vampire families so close? Because blood is thicker than water.

Vampire Joke 86
Which flavor ice cream is Dracula’s favorite? Vein-illa.

Vampire Joke 87
What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot? A bite in shining armor.

Vampire Joke 88
What’s Dracula’s car called? A mobile blood unit.

Vampire Joke 89
What do you call a vampire junkie? Count Drugula.

Vampire Joke 90
Why do vampires hate arguments? Because they make themselves cross.

Vampire Joke 91
How does a girl vampire flirt? She bats her eyes.

Vampire Joke 92
MUMMY VAMPIRE: Jimmy, hurry up and drink your soup before it clots.

Vampire Joke 93
Do you know how to catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut!