Dear Second Acts;

This is a hard thing to write about, but here goes. I met this guy who, how should I put this, likes to be dominated. We met in a Whole Foods Market about two months ago. We’re both really into natural foods and cooking, etc. But this guy is big and strong and rugged…not submissive in any way. Anyway, we hit it off…we have a lot in common and he really makes me laugh. And things were good in bed too.  But then one night, while we were, you know, doing it, I was on top and he asked me to tie his hands to the bedpost. At first I thought he was kidding, but he kept asking, then begging. So, I tied him up. Then he asked me to do whatever I wanted to him. But all I wanted to do was to continue making love. So he said, okay, fine, but to also slap him in the face while we were doing it. So I did, but he said it wasn’t hard enough. So I slapped him harder and harder until tears were streaming down his face. But the weirdest thing was that the sex kept getting better and better. He liked it and I guess I liked it too. When it was over, his face and my palms were bright red. Very weird. He is coming over this weekend and I’m a little afraid of where this whole thing is headed. If he shows up with a suitcase of sadomasochistic paraphernalia, I’m not letting him in. Even though I think I kind of want to.

Confused and Aroused in Portland

Dear Confused and Aroused;

Holy bondage, Sweetie! Welcome to the mysterious world of pain and pleasure. I should say right up front that I am not a psychologist or even a pseudo-psychologist. I don’t even play one on a pseudo-TV. The stock answer here, of course, is that as long as you are consenting adults, and neither of you are truly hurting the other, there is no abnormal sex. That said, though…holy dominatrix, Batman! Just because one of you wants it, that doesn’t mean the other is compelled to provide it. So far, you seem intrigued, but what if he asks you to do something that really freaks you out…something that makes you truly uncomfortable? In short, be prepared and willing to walk away. Make that run away.

Cynthia

By Cynthia Amas of Second Acts Dating Service
This “advice” column is the result of art overtaking life. When author Julia Dumont created her leading lady, Cynthia Amas, for her Second Acts novels, she had no idea how domineering her character would become. Cynthia, a man-challenged matchmaker, insisted on writing her own dating advice blog. Julia tried to explain that fictional characters don’t usually write advice blogs for real people, but Cynthia was undaunted. The result is not your average dating blog, but it’s just as funny, irreverent and delightfully crazy as Cynthia.  Should you take her advice? Read on and decide for yourself.