Dear Second Acts;

I have been seeing a gorgeous guy for a while. He’s a trial lawyer and a good one. He is passionate about his work and about me. There’s really just one problem, but it’s a big, fat, stinky one. He smokes cigars. Now I know there are lots of women who like cigars, or at least pretend to. I know they’re supposed to make a man look powerful and sexy and all that, but I find them unbelievably disgusting. Try as I may to appreciate them, they truly make me want to vomit. Anyway, he loves to smoke them after meals, after work, and, most disturbingly, after sex. As a result, a relationship that should be hot and heavy is fizzling like a cheap stogie in a rainstorm. His noxious, phony phallus is destroying my sex drive.

Help—cough—me,

Polluted in Pittsburgh

Dear Polluted;

I hear you. And I smell him all the way from Pittsburgh. You’re right, there are some women who like the stench of cigars and even some who like smoking them, but to be honest, I think it’s very few. Women smoking cigars is mostly a male fantasy of public, metaphoric felatio, propagated by Madison Avenue or girlie magazines or both. Then again, I suppose that fantasy makes more sense than the one suggested by a heterosexual man smoking a flaming penis himself. I’m not sure. All I know is that I agree with you. There’s a guy two blocks away from me who smokes big, smelly cigars. I have never met him. And contrary to what he might think, I have no desire to meet him. In terms of your own handsome, smelly smokestack, you could ask him to go outside to light up, but honestly, for me anyway, he’d need to take a shower, launder his clothes, brush his teeth, and gargle with mouthwash for at least 30 minutes before he returned. Listen, you are still in the early stages of the relationship. This is the time to be as frank as possible about what you want and don’t want. He’s free to do the same. Ultimately, it’s up to you to know what your limits are. I know what I’d do, but I can’t make that call. If cigars are a deal breaker, lay them on the line and let the ashes fall where they may.

Good luck,

Cynthia

By Cynthia Amas of Second Acts Dating Service
This “advice” column is the result of art overtaking life. When author Julia Dumont created her leading lady, Cynthia Amas, for her Second Acts novels, she had no idea how domineering her character would become. Cynthia, a man-challenged matchmaker, insisted on writing her own dating advice blog. Julia tried to explain that fictional characters don’t usually write advice blogs for real people, but Cynthia was undaunted. The result is not your average dating blog, but it’s just as funny, irreverent and delightfully crazy as Cynthia.  Should you take her advice? Read on and decide for yourself.

When author Julia Dumont created her leading lady, Cynthia Amas, for  her Second Acts novels, she had no idea how domineering her character would become. Cynthia, a man-challenged matchmaker who is brilliant at finding love for everyone but herself, insisted on writing her own dating advice blog (coming in the third novel – Hearts Unleashed – which will be available in March, 2013). Julia tried to explain that fictional characters don’t usually write advice blogs for real people, but Cynthia was undaunted. The result is not your average dating blog, but it’s just as funny, irreverent and delightfully crazy as Cynthia.  Should you take her advice? Read on and decide for yourself.