Can I survive my husband’s/wife’s affair? If it happened to you, could you find the strength to forgive? Experienced marriage counselors and therapists argue that a spouse’s infidelity is the most excruciating type of bad behavior in a marriage; it can’t be understood unless you experience it firsthand. After uncovering a spouse’s affair several common feelings will invade your body: sadness, anger, surprise, disbelief and eventually, grief. Some couples need years to forgive their partners, while others choose not to forgive and get a divorce. Which of these two options resonates with your principles?
An affair has more than one connotation. It can be a one-night stand or it can become a relationship. Is it possible for modern day couples to move on, forgive and rebuild their marriage after an affair? Apparently, yes. Infidelity can be overcome however the phases to recovery are not easy to abide by.
Dealing with the crisis
The first and most important step in recovering from an affair is the crisis step. It occurs as soon as the affair was uncovered or disclosed. In the beginning, you will feel deep betrayal and you will be in shock. All the love, trust, empathy, and confidence you had in your partner will vanish. However you must keep your cool. Acknowledge that it’s a phase and you will surpass it. It will be difficult and incredibly painful, but you will make it.
Don’t make any decisions during this time of crisis because chances are you will make the wrong decision. In order to start recovering you have to sink it in and accept it. There’s nothing you can do to change what your spouse did. What can you do to cope with the affair? Start by going out more often. Meet up with friends and family, or make your work more engaging. Do fun things to help you get your mind off your marital issues.
Accept what you’re feeling
The feelings you have now for your partner are normal. It’s perfectly normal to think differently about your marriage too; you may have a tendency to see it as a liability rather than a strength. Confusion, loneliness, sadness, and frustration will also make themselves present inside your soul. Some of these emotions will interfere with your better judgment, and they’ll change the way you see society and the people in your life.
Allow yourself enough time to heal
Your heart needs healing before it can accept what your spouse did. Take some time off work, go on a vacation alone and clear your head. Surround yourself with beautiful places and unknown people; it will help you move on. People think a lot more clearly when they’re away. Detach yourself completely from your normal routine and don things you never dared to do. You’re in healing mode, so you’re allowed to do everything your heart tells you to do.
Face your demons
After a well-deserved healing period it’s time to face your demons. Meet with your significant other face to face and have a conversation. Make some decisions and talk about what you should do next – move on and letting go or stay together. Get marriage help if you can’t work things out alone. Counseling or couples therapy are recommended now that you’ve moved pass feelings of hatred and resentment.
If you feel the need to ask for an explanation, then do it. It can be difficult to accept, but many people cheat because they no longer get the attention they deserve from their better half. So they choose to search for it someplace else. Talk to your partner about your desires, and if you still love each other then you shouldn’t split up. An affair can be a wake-up call for many spouses, although it’s a harsh truth very few can accept.
Take things slow
Now that you’ve dealt with the crisis and faced your demons, it’s time to move on. The reconciliation process will be long, but you have to deal with it if you still want to be together. The betrayed party will still suffer enormously, although in time and with extreme care those feelings and insecurities will fade away. Everything depends on you! Take things slow and start from the ground up.
Remember the good things: how you fell in love, places you traveled together, secrets you shared, and love messages you sent to one another. Stay focused on the good memories and smile every day. Make each other happy and add more understanding and compassion to the mix. Don’t ignore your love life either! Spice things up in the bedroom and before you know it the affair your spouse once had will be forgotten.
There are ways to survive an affair, especially if you still love your spouse although we’re not saying it will be easy; because it won’t.
Written by Sylvia Smith
(From Never Liked It Anyway, the number one destination for all things break-ups and bounce-back! It’s the place to buy, sell and tell all things ex! Sell your breakup baggage, tell your story and join the community of rock stars bouncing back better than ever! )