By Katherine Sharma
Weddings can bring out the best, and worst, behavior from family and friends. With my daughter’s wedding a little over a week away, our house is filling up with relatives and guests, and, of course, we would like to prevent tensions. How? A Psychology Today article helped put all in perspective by listing the top three reasons for wedding conflicts.
Of course, it starts with MONEY. After all, today’s weddings cost a lot. The price of a nuptial celebration has jumped to an all-time high, reaching an average $31,213, according to The Knot’s “2014 Real Weddings Study.” And the expense burden extends beyond the couple and their parents to the guests, who shell out for travel, accommodations and gifts, as well as to the wedding party, who must spend big for things like bridesmaid dresses they’ll never wear again. With that much money flowing, financial anxieties and unmet expectations are bound to float to the top and spill negative vibes.
Family dynamics are the next big cause of wedding conflict, especially issues of status within the family, notes the article. It is not uncommon to see mature people regress to childish expressions of jealousy and resentment when reminded of old wounds from parental favoritism or sibling rivalry. The fact that many will imbibe enough alcohol to loosen inhibitions and lips increases the chance of an “unfortunate incident.”
The third main source of wedding conflict is the likelihood that some folks will feel “left out” at some point. Honestly, at a crowded event, it is impossible to include and pay attention to everyone equally and always. Unfortunately, various other articles offered no magic oil to pour on troubled wedding waters, beyond old-fashioned compassion and tolerance.
All I can do is vow that every time a complaining relative, an out-of-control drunk, an undisciplined brat, or feuding exes loosen my hold on my temper, I will take a deep breath and consciously shift my focus back to what a wedding should be about: celebrating love.
ABOUT KATHERINE SHARMA
Katherine Sharma’s family roots are in Louisiana, Oklahoma and Texas. But after her early childhood in Texas, she has moved around the country and lived in seven other states, from Virginia to Hawaii. She currently resides in California with her husband and three children. She has also traveled extensively in Europe, Africa and Asia, and makes regular visits to family in India. After receiving her bachelor’s degree. in economics and her master’s degree in journalism from the University of Michigan, Katherine worked as a newspaper and magazine writer and editor for more than 15 years. She then shifted into management and marketing roles for firms in industries ranging from outdoor recreation to insurance to direct marketing. Although Katherine still works as a marketing consultant, she is now focused on creative writing.
1. Maybe you think it doesn’t happen, but ask any boy how often he’s been given the come-on and then when he does make a pass, told “I’m not that kind of a girl.” Okay, if you’re not, you’re not. But try to act like a good girl if you want us to treat you that way.
Don’t be the girl who starts hearing wedding bells the instant a fellow so much as looks her way. She fastens on like a clinging vine, looks daggers at every other girl in sight, and starts talking about “when we graduate from high school next year.” Then she keeps your phone ringing steady from there on in. Well, that’s fatal. If there is anything worse than a chasing, possessive female, I don’t know what it is.
Very important on our list is, lay off the gold-digger stuff. It doesn’t take much brain work to figure out that we haven’t got much to spend, and it’s darn embarrassing for us to have to come right out and say so. Just take it for granted that we’re broke.
The study found that the most friendly and conventional people tended to live in the South and north-central Great Plains region, while relaxed and creative traits were more common in the Western and Eastern coastal areas. New Englanders, in contrast, were most likely to be uninhibited and temperamental.
Who said being a mom is a limiting career? These power moms prove that a lot can be accomplished while being a mother. Here’s six of the most powerful, inspiring, and badass moms in the celebrity realm who are using their status to change the world and offer up a new kind of role model for every woman. So, here’s to all the awesome mom’s around the world; may your awesomeness be passed on from generation to generation.
Queen B, winner of 20 Grammy Awards and named one of the best-selling music artists of all time, is also a mom. She is a self-described “modern-day feminist” and has helped aid initiatives supporting victims of natural disasters, including Hurricane Katrina and Hope for Haiti Now. Is she even human?
A Burmese opposition politician, chairperson of the National League for Democracy in Burma, and mother of two. Kyi is an unbelievably strong and internationally recognized woman who has pushed for democracy, peacefully, in Burma despite gigantic obstacles. She has too many achievements to rattle off, but up one of the biggies was being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1991; she used the prize’s 1.3 million USD to establish a health and education trust for the people of Burmese. Now that’s some serious admirability.
She’s one of the highest paid actresses in Hollywood, a political activist, humanitarian, and mother of six children. Jolie has traveled to war zones, refugee camps, and several third-world countries to advocate for human rights. She has also undergone a preventative double mastectomy in which she has said, “On a personal note, I do not feel any less of a woman. I feel empowered that I made a strong choice that in no way diminishes my femininity.”
Sandberg (who recently lost her husband) is the Chief Operating Officer of Facebook and became the first woman to serve on FB’s board—oh yeah, and she’s a mother of two. Sandberg has been honored with several recognitions including Fortune Magazine’s “Most Powerful Women in Business” and Wall Street Journal’s “Women to Watch.” She also advocates for equal representation of women in leadership positions and has co-campaigned “
Ms. Tina Fey is a charity spokeswoman, mother of two, winner of eight Emmy Awards, two Golden Globes, and successful author—to name a few accomplishments. Her book Bossypants was on the New York Time’s Best Seller list for five weeks. She also advocates for autism education, to end global hunger, and to end violence against children. Who doesn’t heart Tina?
Co-founder and former CEO of Apple Inc and mother of three, Ms. Jobs is the widow of Steve Jobs and ranked the 29th most powerful woman in the world by Forbes. Jobs has founded Emerson Collective, which advocates for education and immigration reform, social justice, environmental conservation, and also co-founded Board of College Track, which prepares disadvantaged high school students for college.
The era of femininity, introduced in the late ‘40s, continued its reign. The hour-glass silhouette, with soft rounded shoulders, nipped-in waist and voluminous skirts, made every woman feel like a princess. Women had to adjust to the longer lengths — one silver lining of the war was those short skirts — but walking and dancing in these luscious dresses made women happy to be women. Beautiful shoes returned with the highest of heels – stilettos so tall and thin they would leave marks on lobby floors. Women dressed for day – short gloves, hat and pearls — if they matched, even better! The look was pristine and immaculate. Casual wear — narrow, ankle-length pants and pedal pushers, as well as blue jeans — began taking up more space in women’s wardrobes. Although new fabrics made clothes easier to care for, dressing required substantial effort — squeezing in to constricting girdles and brassieres was not easy! By the mid-1950s, shapeless shift dresses gained popularity, as well as slim skirts worn with sweater sets. Women wore their hair short, with perfectly soft waves — thanks to regular visits to the hairdresser.
They were exclusive relationships, with a declaration of love — a class ring, a varsity jacket — but only lasted a few days, or at most a few months. Dating honored traditional roles with the boys doing the asking, paying, and expecting some affection in return. Necking and petting were accepted and common place, but pre-marital sex was forbidden — or at least the elders tried to make it so. Instructional films admonished girls to not be an “easy number.” Despite society’s efforts to make virginity sacred, teen pregnancies increased and adoptions went up 80%! Morality was losing its power! 
The role of women could be summed up by the existence of laws requiring them to take their husband’s name — no choice, no hyphenates! Their mission was to be a good wife. As the breadwinner, husbands returned home in the evening “work-weary.” A wife’s job was to brighten his day. Have dinner ready. Freshen up her makeup. Speak in a pleasant voice. And last, but not least — “stay slim and beautiful.” The role of wife, mother and homemaker was believed to be the most natural and fulfilling career for all women. Yet something was amiss. Tranquilizers became available in the mid 1950s, and within five years, 1.15 million pounds were sold, consumed mostly by women. In 1956, McCalls had the highest single issue sale ever with the feature article, “The Mother Who Ran Away.” The best-selling book Peyton Place, which would become a popular movie and TV series, touched a nerve with its sordid tale of life in a tranquil town wrought with lies, incest, infidelity and dysfunction. And Playboy illustrated the ambivalence (and their contempt — perhaps) of traditional female roles with a faux ad for the “perfect easy, low-stress, high-paying, part-time job” — that of a homemaker. There seemed to be no winning for women! 
Employment of women increased steadily and reached a new peak in the 1950s. Even married women worked, especially after their kids were out of the house. By 1959, 36% of women worked. Most still occupied traditional female jobs — the First National Secretaries Week was in 1952. Men suspected that the unmarried “career girls” were really just biding their time until their Prince Charming came along. With women being systematically excluded from areas like law, medicine and business, most college-bound coeds focused on “M.R.S.” degrees, which gave them four years to find a husband. Society gave them every reason to believe that their best opportunities rested with the promising career of their future husband.
This was the first time there was a teen culture. The term “teenager” didn’t even exist until the 1950s. Initially, ignored by adults, teens yearned for their own music, style of dress – their own culture in effect. By the mid 1950s, they had become a force to be reckoned with. Adults reacted with condemnation and rules! But as rock ‘n’ roll emerged and the beat generation gained momentum, adults’ worst fears were realized. The tame sounds of the big bands were replaced with “devil’s music.” White teens began to embrace black musicians, like Chuck Berry and Little Richard, and the sexually tinged lyrics and gyrations of Elvis Presley. Portable record players and transistor radios allowed teens the independence to listen to whatever they wanted. Sorry Mom and Dad, there would be no turning back! James Dean, star of Rebel Without a Cause, was an icon of teen ennui and set the fashion trend with jeans and leather jackets. The Beats, aka beatniks as they were coined in 1958, rebelled against uniformity and traditional values. They began to congregate in the bohemian communities of New York and San Francisco. Their clothing — sunglasses, berets, and black turtlenecks — communicated their loathing of convention. Very early Goth!
Television became the most powerful medium, selling everything from soap to presidents. TV ad revenues soared from $12 million in 1949 to one billion dollars in 1955! Programming was aimed at families and promoted traditional values — Father Knows Best, The Adventures of Ozzie & Harriet. Viewers compared their own families against these idealized ones and tried to measure up — bad idea! The popularity of television was seen as the demise of film byHollywood. They did whatever they could to lure movie goers back to the theaters — big science fiction movies, drive-in theaters and risqué comedies that made fun of adulterous fantasies. With cars and planes, one could go anywhere. With air travel to Paris, Rome, Miami ,Hawaii, the jet set era was born. The launch of Boeing’s 707 in 1958 made planes the preferred method of long-distance travel, surpassing both trains and ocean liners. Resorts and amusement parks –Disneyland opened in 1955 — met the needs of vacationing families.
Marijuana was a big part of our life together. Both Keith and I had begun smoking it as seniors in high school, and when we eloped, the summer after graduation, our life really didn’t change much. We had been lovers before; we had been users of grass and once in a while, acid. We had loved to speed around on Keith’s motorcycle, me on the sissy seat in back, and we had loved camping out, sleeping under the stars, cooking over an open fire. We did those things before we got married—my mother knew I was involved in a sexual affair but she really didn’t care. And we continued to do them after we were married.
Lace and sheer fabrics have been popular since the weeding of Kate and William and the trend continues. This year layering of these fabrics have added details to simple, elegant styles, which has been widely used to create bohemian style dresses. There has also been a rise in backless dresses along with those using sheer fabrics across the back to create a backless effect.
The English country garden has certainly influenced many bouquets and flower arrangements this year. Using mixed bunches of softly colored blooms creates a look that the flowers have just been freshly picked on route to the venue. A different trend for summer weddings is creating a tropical feel and as a result, there have been a rise in the number of succulents that are making their way into wedding bouquets and arrangements.
In keeping with the more relaxed approach to weddings, street food buffets and banquet style dining are being favored over set menus. Clear labelling and allowing guests to pick from a wide selection of food also helps with managing various dietary requirements and keeping everyone happy and well fed.
Of course a vintage classic car is always going to be a popular choice, no matter what the trend, but this is one area where the groom might get to influence the decision! An open topped retro vehicle might look the part, but even with a tropical inspired wedding, there’s no guaranteeing that it won’t be pouring with rain on the big day.
Your photographs will help to retain precious memories of the day, so they too should reflect the feel of the event. If you are having a more relaxed celebration, the last thing you want is a photographer lining everyone up in formal groups for the photographs. A photographer that can mingle unseen in the crowd and capture the spirit of the day is ideal, but no matter what you want, make sure you communicate it clearly, so you have something to look back on and share for years to come.
Okay, as human beings we can all be a little selfish, stubborn and set in our ways sometimes. This is natural, and the transition from ‘I’ to ‘us’ can be a difficult one. However, it is important that you put your relationship first. A lot of married couples still consider their own families and siblings to be more important than their new “family.” And while you love and treasure your own family, it is critical to a successful relationship to make sure your partner doesn’t feel less important.
Having rituals within your relationship and secret communications allows you to share something private, and it gives you a special connection. Be sure not to confuse rituals and habits with routine. That would become predictable and boring. Something as simple as having your morning tea together, or going for a walk on a Sunday no matter what the weather is, can be enough to ensure that you spend that special time together. The secrets and the moments that you share will bond you together in a time of need. A ‘code word’ can be used to be in place of ‘love you.‘
Be sure to talk to your partner every day. It’s an essential part of a healthy relationship. A lot of couples do struggle when communication breaks down, so having a chat about your day will ensure that you connect. Simply asking,” How was your day,” shows that you care – of course, you do need to be a good listener when he/she tells you about their day. Share your day, too, but try not to be negative and whine too much. You can also remember to compliment him/her, give her/him encouragement, and make plans to do something fun together. Obviously, it doesn’t need to be a long conversation, but even little touches can make a big difference.
After work, try to “turn off” the office. Our smart phones are not so smart when it comes to relationships. If we never switch off our phones, tablets and laptops, it means we are always distracted. Focus on your partner and give them your full attention. Also, work stresses should try to be left at the office. If you read an email with a new deadline, this is only going to make you more stressed, it doesn’t make you a fun person to be around. So, whenever possible, step away from the phone/computer/video game/etc.!
Traveling can work wonders for any couple. Experiencing new sights, sounds, smells and sensations awakens your soul and creates a sense of peace and calmness. Anytime you get to experience an adventure with your significant other, it allows you to create new memories and adventures that you both can look back on for years.
It’s official! BroadLit has formed a lovely relationship with Card.com to create some cool vintage Debit MasterCards® featuring some of our favorite magazine cover images from the early 20th century.
