By Katherine Sharma

Several young couples in my circle recently welcomed babies, and their struggles with name choices reminded me of my own deliberations over naming of fictional characters–because the answer to Juliet’s famous question “What’s in a name?” can affect social (or publishing) success. For example, a 2003 study of resumés identical except for fake names divided between those that sounded “white,” like Emily and Greg, and those that sounded African-American, like Lakisha and Jamal, found the resumés with “white” names received a 50% higher call-back rate from employers.It would be interesting to see if those results have changed in 2015.

Certainly, given names today reflect more social and ethnic diversity than ever before. In the U.S. of 1950, only 5% of parents chose a name for their child that wasn’t in the top 1,000 names; by 2012, that figure was up to 27%. The expansion of naming trends in multicultural America opens up the choices for creating fictional names that are ironic, symbolic/connotative, phonetically suggestive, alliterative or just poetically right to the inner ear. But there is also more potential for faddish anachronisms, social bias and offense, regional dissonance and ethnic missteps.

In a writersdigest.com guest post, veteran mystery author Elizabeth Sims (Rita Farmer mysteries) offers some rules for creating fictional names without tripping over today’s naming trends:

• Check root meanings of names, so Caleb, which means “faithful,” can fit a loyal character without hitting readers over the head with Loyal (or it could be an ironic choice for a villain);
• Get your era right and realize that Taylor doesn’t fit a twenty-year-old girl in the 1930s or a ninety-year-old woman in 2015, but Myrtle works;
• Say the names out loud because some names look good on paper but don’t work when spoken (don’t undermine the future audiobook/movie);
• Manage your cast appropriately by varying names in terms of initials and syllables to prevent reader confusion when you have a big cast of characters;
• Think it through to the real world, which is why, Sims points out, most fictional villains don’t have middle names or initials since that increases the chances of offending a real person, who can come after you with a suit (or a gun);
• Check those names again to make sure you have researched thoroughly, especially for ethnic or foreign names. For example, Sims admits that she once named a supposedly Japanese-American character Gary Kwan, only to discover that Kwan is a Chinese surname. To read Sims’ full post, go to http://www.writersdigest.com/online-editor/the-7-rules-of-picking-names-for-fictional-characters

ABOUT  KATHERINE SHARMA

Katherine Sharma’s family roots are in Louisiana, Oklahoma and Texas. But after her early childhood in Texas, she has moved around the country and lived in seven other states, from Virginia to Hawaii. She currently resides in California with her husband and three children. She has also traveled extensively in Europe, Africa and Asia, and makes regular visits to family in India. After receiving her bachelor’s degree. in economics and her master’s degree in journalism from the University of Michigan, Katherine worked as a newspaper and magazine writer and editor for more than 15 years. She then shifted into management and marketing roles for firms in industries ranging from outdoor recreation to insurance to direct marketing. Although Katherine still works as a marketing consultant, she is now focused on creative writing.

By Mary Cope

We’ve all been there, your friend has been dating a guy and they are becoming serious. She is ready for you to meet him. She wants your approval. She wants you to like him…so, finally you meet – but there is something about this guy you just don’t like. You can’t quite put your finger on why you feel the way you do so you decide to give it more time. You interact with the two hoping to catch a glimpse of what your friend sees him, because as far as you can tell you just don’t see it and this guy is a loser.

So, what now? What do you do when your friend is dating a loser?

It’s inevitable once you meet him that your friend is going to look at you wide-eyed and ask, “Well, what do you think of him?”

A good word of advice is to be careful and don’t interject your thoughts too soon. If you answer negatively your friend may feel defensive, put her guard up and defend his actions rather than seeing him the way you do. Or, if you say too much too soon it could potentially backfire and your friend may get angry with you. If you begin boyfriend bashing you run the risk of your friend getting angry with you, defending him, and causing a wedge between you and your relationship.

It is better to answer your friend with the customary, “He seems nice,” then take it from there. Gage your friends’ reaction. If she seems on the fence or questioning his motives then you may sensitively voice your concerns. But, if your friend is really into this guy she may be too far in “la-la” land and unable or unwilling to hear anything negative about him.

Remember that love IS blind so you need to give your girlfriend time.

The beginning of a new relationship often has you feeling so euphoric you can’t see straight let alone see the negative in someone. Be sensitive to your friends’ situation. Allow her to get over that feeling of bliss. Give her the time she needs and allow the newness of the relationship to wear off. Then perhaps, she will be able to focus on the not so great qualities and see this guy for who he truly is. It is better to let her figure things out on her own before you tell her what you think . . . unless you have serious concerns for her safety.

The best way to avoid conflict between you and your friend is to direct questions to her and not attack her new boyfriend. Ask her questions such as, what do you like about him? Does he make you feel special? Do you laugh together? Approaching your friend in this manner rather than being combative may open up the opportunity to get you both talking and allowing your friend to refocus her thoughts. This may also help her question herself and open her eyes to seeing that perhaps “this guy” isn’t the “right guy” for her, allowing her to move on and find somebody who is.

Helping friends navigate relationships is always a risky business, but by gently encouraging them to evaluate their own relationship and expectations and supporting them in the best way possible, you don’t burn any bridges over a “Loser Boyfriend.”

[We’ve seen some bad boyfriends ourselves. If fact, we’ve collected enough of them to publish a book of stories about ‘loser boyfriends.’ It’s called WHEN LOVE GOES BAD – check it out!]

 
About Mary Cope

Mary Cope is a first time author with Astraea Press. Her book, Beautiful One, is the first in a planned trilogy. She is currently writing the sequel, Beautiful Mess.
Mary enjoys spending time with her family, baking, listening to music and taking long walks with her yellow lab, Maggie.

Website:
http://marycopeauthor.com

Twitter:
https://twitter.com/MaryCope_Author

Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Mary-Cope/260006794162636

(Back in the 1980’s, True Love Magazine had a monthly essay contest for its readers. The theme was, The Life I Live. Here is the winner of the April 1980 issue.) 

When my husband and I were just married, I had the most wonderful feeling of everything being brand new. Together, we found a new apartment in a new neighborhood. We shopped for new furniture. Everything for us would have nothing to do with our lives in the past.

But there was one sharp reminder from the past that could not be ignored —my husband’s eight-year ­old daughter from his first marriage.

From the start, I kept telling myself there would be no problems because of Wendy. She was a quiet child with dark, wide-open eyes that gave her a look of great innocence. I wanted to be her friend, but I couldn’t help feeling that the love my husband gave her, somehow took away from what I jealously thought should be all mine. Wendy lived with her mother, but when she visited us on weekends, I felt that it was an in­vasion of our privacy.

When I became pregnant, I wanted all of my husband’s at­tention. I resented the time he spent with Wendy. He constantly told me he loved me, but that he also loved his daughter. It was a different kind of love, he said, and he hoped I would understand.

My husband was with me during my long labor, when our son was born. We were delighted with our perfect little baby. Then, when I was back home, I became totally involved in caring for this new little member of the family.When Wendy came over, my husband kept referring to the baby as Wendy’s little brother. Of course, I couldn’t deny their relationship, but something inside me kept insisting that it Wasn’t so.My husband seemed delighted when Wendy hovered over the baby, and tried to play with him,. But my attitude must have caused her to back off, and Wendy took less and less part in whatever was going on.

One day, my husband irritably told me I had become so completely wrapped up in our son, that I wasn’t aware of him anymore. I was shocked and angry. I told him he was stupid not to see that my love for the baby had nothing to do with him —it was different.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!” he exclaimed, and stalked out of the room.

I was still upset, when Wendy came over the following Saturday afternoon. She ran right into the baby’s room and hovered over the crib. “Hi, little brother,” she said, smiling broadly. Then, she quickly looked over at me, to see if I ap­proved. Very soon, she went back to her usual withdrawn manner.

After a while, she put her head against her daddy’s chest. He put his arms around her. Suddenly, I saw her in a completely different light than I ever had before. If she was the cause of strained feelings between my husband and me, it certainly wasn’t because of any harmful in­tention on her part. She was just a confused little girl, who desperately needed her father’s love. I knew then, that I had been wrong.

I went over to her, and added my arms to hug her tightly. She looked up, and, with tears in her eyes, she relaxed against me. My eyes were damp too, and I heard my husband sniffing.

I looked at him. He was again the same loving man I had married. I understood now that the love he had for his daughter did not make him love me less. I felt very lucky to find that out, before it was too late.

I will always try to make him know, that no matter how devoted I am to our child, my love for him will just keep getting stronger.Then we stood around the crib—my husband, Wendy, and I—smiling at the baby and at each other. We are four, not three. Wendy will always be a part of the family—and I feel good about it.

 Read April’s Winner–Her Love Is NOT Blind

Do men EVER hate having sex? It may be shocking to hear, but it turns out that there are some sexual positionsthat even the most sex-crazed dudes would like to avoid if at all possible.  Be aware that your man has sexual fears and hang ups just like you do, and you may be forcing him into something he’s just not that thrilled to be doing, so make sure you both think it’s a good idea when trying something new. We interviewed a half-dozen guys to get their thoughts about what doesn’t work for them in bed. This is by no means a big enough sampling to tell us what the majority of men think, but here’s what we learned:

1.        Top This One!

“A woman being on top can be great as long as it is more of a grinding motion rather than a hop on and hop off kind of thing. Every time she comes down again I’m sitting there in a cold sweat thinking this could be the time she misses and breaks my penis in half.” –Noah (25)

2.        Are You Still Standing?

“I think women like the idea of being picked up and getting banged against a wall. However, it doesn’t do much for me and my arms start shaking pretty quickly into the experience. I guess if I was a bodybuilder, standing up while having sex would be easier.” –Brendan (33)

3.        When Sex Gets Boring . . .

“Missionary. It’s boring. I mean most girls really like it and it’s nice when you first start out, but I can never finish off in that way.”  –Jack (41)

4.        Give Him Room to Breath

“I’m all about reciprocating oral sex, but don’t just sit on my face. That’s not good. I feel like I’m trying to get into it and everything, but I’m  so worried about suffocating and gasping for air that I can’t perform to the best of my abilities from that angle. It’s much easier when a girl is on her back!”– David (33)

5.        Taming the Savage Beast

“Ever since this Fifty Shades of Grey thing, some women seem to be really getting into S&M. And they seem to be switching roles! I like a little fantasy, but being tied up and beaten or whipped is not cool. Especially when it happens early on in our sexual relationship.” –Marc (35)

6.        Too Much of a Stretch

“If she suggests something from the Kama Sutra or one of her gossip magazines, chances are I’m probably not going to like it. I’ve known guys that end up limping for a week because they pulled a muscle tying to be more flexible than their girlfriend. That ain’t happening.” -Gavin (30)

By Katherine Sharma

Dystopian fiction is thriving as news stories about global warming, world pandemics, and violent human intolerance of every kind–racial, religious and sexual–inspire tales of a terrifying future for humanity. It’s no fluke that The Hunger Games series sells books and movie tickets. My book club is naturally tapping into the trend, recently reading Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel, a tale of technological and social collapse after mass depopulation by a virulent flu strain. Back in 2011, we read the dystopian classic The Windup Girl by Paolo Bacigalupi, set in a Thailand inundated by global warming and decimated by megacorporate “calorie company” biotech tinkering.

Contemplating the popularity of apocalyptic fiction, it’s clear the best dystopian novels not only hold up a mirror to shared fears for the future, they also are essentially hopeful rather than hopeless literary expressions. After all, if enough people are convinced by the writer’s vision that failure to change now will lead to disaster down the road, they may be spurred to avert the forecast doom. Consider the lasting impact of these seminal dystopian works: 1984 by George Orwell, published in 1949, with its eerie prescience about the rise of “Big Brother” government and its Newspeak; Ray Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451, a 1953 Cold War classic about a society where books and independent thought are banned; 1962’s A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess about the culture of violence, and Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? by Philip K. Dick, a 1968 vision of a world dominated by androids. Today’s writers tackle a new crop of fears along with the standard war, famine and plague. But the best dystopian novels still use the same formula for success: They go beyond technical and socio-political jargon to connect with the human heart, breaching our defenses against unpleasant truths with compelling characters and emotions. For a list of some top dystopian reading, go to http://www.shortlist.com/cool-stuff/20-best-dystopian-novels

ABOUT  KATHERINE SHARMA

Katherine Sharma’s family roots are in Louisiana, Oklahoma and Texas. But after her early childhood in Texas, she has moved around the country and lived in seven other states, from Virginia to Hawaii. She currently resides in California with her husband and three children. She has also traveled extensively in Europe, Africa and Asia, and makes regular visits to family in India. After receiving her bachelor’s degree. in economics and her master’s degree in journalism from the University of Michigan, Katherine worked as a newspaper and magazine writer and editor for more than 15 years. She then shifted into management and marketing roles for firms in industries ranging from outdoor recreation to insurance to direct marketing. Although Katherine still works as a marketing consultant, she is now focused on creative writing.

From Never Liked It Anyway

Know how to ruin the perfect lazy Sunday? This sounds pretty damn close to me: you’re spending some good quality time on the couch with your beau, watching the latest Kristen Wiig masterpiece and enjoying that Seamless dinner when his phone rings. No, it’s not his mum or mate or boss, but surprise surprise, his ex-girlfriend! He gives you that “sorry babe, important” look and leaves the room to answer her call. Welcome to that awkward situation every girl wants to be cool about but very few can – your guy and his ex are actually friends! This week, one of our crew just couldn’t stay silent about it anymore and needed to react. So once again we called on the powers of Cinderella and Beyonce and asked what would they do?

Cinderella would be her absolutely loving and charming self and invite his ex to join you on the couch. And yes, of course, to share your favorite tofu salad (anyone else think Cinderella would be a vegan?!) and sav blanc. And then you’d have all the time in the world to make the evening all about her and her love life…and how no one else can live up to how well YOUR boyfriend used to treat her. The way Cinderella would see it, if the ex is important to her man she’s important to her, too. He will appreciate your kindness, she will become your bestie too and you’ll all live happily ever after.

Beyoncé however would flip sh*t the minute that phone rings. How dare he interrupt your quality time to answer her call. Why does she still have his number in the first place? You’re his queen now and there clearly is only room for one queen in his life. So being besties with his ex-girlfriend an absolute no-go!

But is it really that black and white? Why does this situation freak us out in the first place? Is she really the problem or is there a problem in your relationship? When you’re having that mental meltdown – these are the real things to consider:

1. What are you afraid of?

Forget the extra 5 pounds you have on her! Why are you so freaked out by the thought of him spending time with her? Are you afraid he might cheat on you? Are you afraid she might give him something you can’t? If you’re afraid he might still have feelings for her that’s definitely something that needs to be talked about whether or not they’re friends that hang out. The silent treatment will just make you more paranoid and push him away.

2. Are you overreacting?

Take a step back for a second. You gotta admit, no matter what happens towards the end of a relationship the person we once loved will always remain a part of our life in one way or the other. You might reminisce about your past loves during bad days or curse about the ones who hurt you during drunk moments, but you will most definitely never forget them. So doesn’t your beau deserve to decide how to deal with his past loves? At the end of the day they’ve shared a significant part of their lives and she’s supported him in times well before you were on the scene. So giving some room to respect their past, without impeding on your future, is reasonable.

3. Do you need to speak now or can you forever hold your peace?

Most importantly, be honest with yourself. Will you freak out every time you see her name on the display? Will this issue always create huge awkwardness between the two of you and leave you feeling deeply uncomfortable? Or can you accept how he chooses to stay in touch with his ex? Can you trust him completely and not check your phone every two seconds when he’s out for coffee with her? You need to decide for yourself once and for all – do you need to address the issue or can you let it go? Don’t become a ticking time bomb!

Just remember, everybody has an ex. And we’re all somebody’s ex too. If you DO decide to voice your concern he might be repelled by your jealousy! He could however also be completely understanding and save both of you a lot of unnecessary fights. The important thing here is to be honest with yourself.

(From Never Liked It Anyway, the number one destination for all things break-ups and bounce-back! It’s the place to buy, sell and tell all things ex! Sell your breakup baggage, tell your story and join the community of rock stars bouncing back better than ever! )

Related: Jay-Z and Beyonce

(Back in the 1980’s, True Love Magazine had a monthly essay contest for its readers. The theme was, The Life I Live. Here is the winner of the February 1980 issue. )

The past few weeks have been the happiest ones of my life. They have been filled with the joy of my engagement to Jim, a man I love and, yet, have never seen.

I am blind. There was a time not too long ago, when I wouldn’t have believed that I could feel so fulfilled without the benefit of my sight, but meeting Jim has changed all that.

Three years ago, I was driving home from a friend’s house, when the steering went out in my car and I crashed into a parked pickup truck. Although I suffered only a cracked wrist and some bruised ribs, a piece of glass from the shattered wind­shield was lodged in my left eye and caused me to go blind. Thankfully, my right eye was undamaged—until I contracted sympathetic optholmia. That’s a disease which occurs, when one eye is struck blind by an injury and the other, healthy eye also loses its vision, even though there is nothing medically wrong with it. I was heartbroken. The thought of having to go through life never seeing sunsets was unbearable.

For the first couple of months after the accident, I became a recluse, wallowing in self-pity, and refusing to see anyone except my parents. I probably would have shut them out, too, but I needed somebody to help me get around. But gradually, I came to realize that life is what you make of it, and that all the self-pity in the world wouldn’t bring back my precious sight. So, with my new attitude, I began attending classes at an Institute for the Blind. I learned to read and write in Braille, and generally, how to get along. I lived at home, and my parents gave me all the love and support that anyone could ask for.

I applied myself to my studies, and began to enjoy my time at the In­stitute, as much as I had my time at college. I even took some special education classes, and at the end of two years, I became an assistant teacher in a class for blind children. Although I had never been religious before, I began going to church regularly. Soon, I became involved with many projects such as bazaars, picnics, and charity dinners. The people I met were so kind and warm toward me that, for the first time since the accident, I felt perhaps there was a reason for my blindness. I felt a oneness with God that I had never before experienced, and I learned to accept Him into my life.

I have to say that God was responsible for all of my blessings because it was through church that I met Jim. Jim was also involved in the church that I at­tended, and he was introduced to me by a mutual friend during one of the picnics that our people had organized. We began to talk, and I found myself telling Jim things that I had never told anyone else. He was sweet and understanding, and fit every cliche about how a first true love should be. We spent a lot of time together, taking walks, holding hands, and laughing. It wasn’t too long, before I realized that I was deeply in love with him.

One evening, as we were walking along the beach, just before the sun went down, Jim took my hand and said, “I can’t think of anything to give you that’s more beautiful than a sunset. I know you can’t see it with your eyes, but maybe, you can see it with your heart.” Then, he asked me to marry him.

It won’t be long before Jim and I will be living in our own house, and I count the minutes until then. He’s everything I ever wanted in a husband, and while he can’t give me back my sight, he can still make me see. He gave me a sunset. What more could I ask for?

From Never Liked It Anyway

Yeah, you’re on an online dating site… Now what? In the spirit of sisterhood, here are some tips to ensure he’ll swipe right!

Let’s be honest, looks spark his interest.

• Overexposure is never cool. Unless you’re looking for a “hit and split” situation, (if you are though, rock on, Sister!) think twice about posting pics to your profile that expose more of your body than your personality.
• Though posting a couple of group photos is cool, it’s pretty dicey if you don’t post recent pics that clearly show your face.
• Keep the duck lips, fish lips, and finger mustache pics in 2014. BTW, bathroom selfies are a turnoff.

Baring your inner hotness will keep the fires burning.

• Keep it simple, Beauty! Be clear about who you are and know what makes you fabulous. Share that, but only that. #ownyourawesome
• It’s a small world… Coworkers, potential bosses, friends, Mr. Right Now, and your future Mr. Right could see your profile. Keep it classy!
• Save it for the shrink. This is definitely NOT the place to discuss past relationship fails.
• Put your best face forward but keep it real. We know you’re not a catfish so don’t turn yourself into one by stretching the truth, lying about your age, or over-photoshopping your pics. That’s just nothing but bad karma and who needs that?
• Have a girlfriend read it before you make your profile public.

So there you have it. Some tips to kickstart your Dating Resolutions with a little class.

(From Never Liked It Anyway, the number one destination for all things break-ups and bounce-back! It’s the place to buy, sell and tell all things ex! Sell your breakup baggage, tell your story and join the community of rock stars bouncing back better than ever! )

By Katherine Sharma

I must admit that I had not read The Alchemist, an allegorical novel by Brazilian-born Paulo Coelho, until this year. First published in the U.S. in 1993, the novel is celebrating over 20 years of international popularity. It has been translated into at least 56 languages and is in its 345th week on The New York Times paperback best seller list as of today. So why the cult status?

It is the story of a young Andalusian shepherd boy who travels to the Egyptian pyramids after a recurring dream of finding treasure there, with encouragement from a Gypsy fortune-teller and a strange old man claiming to be a king. Along the way, he is robbed and earns money in business with a crystal merchant, joins a caravan across the desert and meets a bookish Englishman on his own quest, falls in love with a beautiful Arab girl in an oasis, survives desert tribal warfare, and is guided by omens and a mystical Alchemist to the treasure of his dream, or “Personal Legend.”

That plot synopsis and the book’s short length and stylistic simplicity are deceptive; this novel is densely packed with complex spiritual and psychological questions. Basically, it is an allegory of the obstacles we face to finding and fulfilling our dreams, or Personal Legends per the novel. What obstacles? First come the prejudice, anxiety and guilt that, beginning in childhood, society employs to cause us to abandon dreams as impossibilities and ignore our hearts. Next is the love we have for others, because we fear to lose or hurt loved ones if we focus on realizing a personal calling. Third, we fear suffering from the inevitable defeats and failures. Last comes our fear of actually realizing a dream, of disappointment and guilt in success. But if all fears are overcome and you do things that truly fill you with enthusiasm for your life, then you gain the joy and peace that come from being in tune with the “Soul of the World” and the chosen path for you.

After finally reading the book, I realized that, contrary to my assumption, The Alchemist has not achieved cult status because it offers a specific way to happiness. Rather, it reminds us, mired in day-to-day tedium and anxiety, that if we are willing to disinter deferred dreams, trust in the nurturing power of love, and accept the inevitable scars, we can live more fully. That’s a best-selling lesson. To buy the novel, go to http://www.amazon.com/The-Alchemist-Paulo-Coelho/dp/0061122416

ABOUT  KATHERINE SHARMA

Katherine Sharma’s family roots are in Louisiana, Oklahoma and Texas. But after her early childhood in Texas, she has moved around the country and lived in seven other states, from Virginia to Hawaii. She currently resides in California with her husband and three children. She has also traveled extensively in Europe, Africa and Asia, and makes regular visits to family in India. After receiving her bachelor’s degree. in economics and her master’s degree in journalism from the University of Michigan, Katherine worked as a newspaper and magazine writer and editor for more than 15 years. She then shifted into management and marketing roles for firms in industries ranging from outdoor recreation to insurance to direct marketing. Although Katherine still works as a marketing consultant, she is now focused on creative writing.