1. He Who Did Not Man Up

As second semester of my sophomore year of college started, I started to feel…weird. I started noticing bruises on my arms and at the same time every night, I became unbearably tired. It felt as if someone were flipping my “off” switch for the night, and I couldn’t get into bed fast enough.

By Friday, after a week of these weird symptoms, I went to the campus Health Center, and the doctor wanted to send a blood sample to the lab. My veins were so difficult to find that the nurse barely got enough to fill the vial. The results were expected by Tuesday.

That same Friday night, my roommate, one of our other friends, and I got in around 10:00 from a mall trip. There was a voicemail waiting for me from the Health Center nurse telling me that I needed to get to the local hospital ER immediately because my platelets were dangerously low. I called her back to get more details and the only thing she told me, again, was to get to the ER fast.

Who does a 20-year old girl call when she’s told by a health professional to get to the hospital late on a Friday night for a mysterious reason? Obviously, her boyfriend of over a year.

He came to pick me up, and my roommate and our friend came with us. On the way, I saw that he was visibly agitated. I asked him what was wrong and he told me he hates hospitals and probably wouldn’t come in with me. I remember actually asking him if he would come in the hospital with me if I was having a baby and his answer was, “I don’t know.” First this mystery illness and now solo childbirth? Super.

The three of us girls entered the ER and my boyfriend did not. My roommate would periodically go outside to check on him while I was waiting, and she told me he was pacing back and forth, sweating, and behaving very nervously. Deemed utterly useless by my roommate, she sent him back to campus with our other girlfriend. My boyfriend unequivocally made the wrong choice.

My diagnosis? A rare blood disorder called ITP.

In the months following that night, I was treated effectively with ungodly amounts of Prednisone–25, 50, 75 milligrams a day for weeks at a time. The steroid got my spleen behaving properly, but as a side effect, I gained 50 pounds in 3 months.

My boyfriend wanted increasingly less to do with me, because I no longer fit the mold of the thin, long-haired girlfriend he needed. He told me I “wasn’t as attractive as I used to be,” and when I got my haircut short, he told me that I “wasn’t even trying.”

The thin, long-haired girlfriend he needed, however, was a senior at the high school where he was doing his student teaching that very same semester.

Dateless in Podunk: Is It Time To MOOve?

Dear Second Acts;

I live in a tiny town in Illinois. Fifteen years ago I was the homecoming queen and the valedictorian of my class. But after I graduated from medical school, my mother got sick and I came back home. She has since passed away, but I have a good practice…sort of a big fish in a small pond. A very small pond. More like a puddle. I was in a serious relationship for a few years and it just recently fell apart. Well, not that recently…about four months ago. The guy was cheating on me. I’m just now venturing back out into the dating scene. I’m scared. I’m extremely hesitant to get close to anybody. I know I’ve constructed all kinds of barriers and I hate feeling this way. Plus, there just aren’t that many eligible bachelors around here. There aren’t even very many ineligible ones. Let me put it this way, around here the cow-to-man ratio is about a hundred to one. Any suggestions?  Thanks,

Stranded in Podunk

Dear Stranded;

You bet I’ve got a suggestion: Get the heck out of Podunk! Hop in your car and drive here right now. I’m not kidding. I’ll find you a guy in ten minutes. Do you know how rare of a commodity you’d be inL.A.? A beautiful woman with a beautiful brain, who doesn’t want to be in show business and isn’t looking for a sugar daddy? You’ll be beating eligible bachelors off you with a stick. Are you a beach person or a mountain person? Email me what you’re looking for house-wise, and I’ll find you six fabulous options before you step off the plane. Seriously. Start packing. Now.California, here you come!

Cynthia

PS. In case you thought I was kidding, I wasn’t. I’ve got four guys in mind for you already. No, five. And there’s a place for rent across the street from me that would be the perfect soft spot to land while you’re getting established. Are you packing yet? For god’s sake, what are you waiting for?

By Cynthia Amas of Second Acts Dating Service
This “advice” column is the result of art overtaking life. When author Julia Dumont created her leading lady, Cynthia Amas, for her Second Acts novels, she had no idea how domineering her character would become. Cynthia, a man-challenged matchmaker, insisted on writing her own dating advice blog. Julia tried to explain that fictional characters don’t usually write advice blogs for real people, but Cynthia was undaunted. The result is not your average dating blog, but it’s just as funny, irreverent and delightfully crazy as Cynthia.  Should you take her advice? Read on and decide for yourself.

Love, Lies & Dating: All Tied Up? Holy Dominatrix, Batman!

Dear Second Acts;

This is a hard thing to write about, but here goes. I met this guy who, how should I put this, likes to be dominated. We met in a Whole Foods Market about two months ago. We’re both really into natural foods and cooking, etc. But this guy is big and strong and rugged…not submissive in any way. Anyway, we hit it off…we have a lot in common and he really makes me laugh. And things were good in bed too.  But then one night, while we were, you know, doing it, I was on top and he asked me to tie his hands to the bedpost. At first I thought he was kidding, but he kept asking, then begging. So, I tied him up. Then he asked me to do whatever I wanted to him. But all I wanted to do was to continue making love. So he said, okay, fine, but to also slap him in the face while we were doing it. So I did, but he said it wasn’t hard enough. So I slapped him harder and harder until tears were streaming down his face. But the weirdest thing was that the sex kept getting better and better. He liked it and I guess I liked it too. When it was over, his face and my palms were bright red. Very weird. He is coming over this weekend and I’m a little afraid of where this whole thing is headed. If he shows up with a suitcase of sadomasochistic paraphernalia, I’m not letting him in. Even though I think I kind of want to.

Confused and Aroused in Portland

 

Dear Confused and Aroused;

Holy bondage, Sweetie! Welcome to the mysterious world of pain and pleasure. I should say right up front that I am not a psychologist or even a pseudo-psychologist. I don’t even play one on a pseudo-TV. The stock answer here, of course, is that as long as you are consenting adults, and neither of you are truly hurting the other, there is no abnormal sex. That said, though…holy dominatrix, Batman! Just because one of you wants it, that doesn’t mean the other is compelled to provide it. So far, you seem intrigued, but what if he asks you to do something that really freaks you out…something that makes you truly uncomfortable? In short, be prepared and willing to walk away. Make that run away.

Cynthia

By Cynthia Amas of Second Acts Dating Service
This “advice” column is the result of art overtaking life. When author Julia Dumont created her leading lady, Cynthia Amas, for her Second Acts novels, she had no idea how domineering her character would become. Cynthia, a man-challenged matchmaker, insisted on writing her own dating advice blog. Julia tried to explain that fictional characters don’t usually write advice blogs for real people, but Cynthia was undaunted. The result is not your average dating blog, but it’s just as funny, irreverent and delightfully crazy as Cynthia.  Should you take her advice? Read on and decide for yourself.

A Tale of Two Cities and Two Boyfriends

 

Dear Second Acts;

I work in advertising, mostly producing television commercials. I live in San Francisco, but the home office is in New York. So, I travel back and forth. Maybe you’ve already guessed it, but yes, I do in fact have two boyfriends . . . one on each coast. This has been going on for about a year and a half. One is a sexual athlete, a total jock, rippling with muscles . . . not a big talker, but who cares, you know? The other is more intellectual, a scintillating conversationalist, but good enough in the sack too. They’re polar opposites, and I guess that’s what I like about the situation. I can’t imagine dropping either one. I have an understanding with them. Both agree that we should be able to see other people, but neither guy knows about the other and I’m pretty sure that neither has anyone but me. I feel guilty about it sometimes, but I have never lied to either of them. Meanwhile, the New York guy has a convention in San Francisco next month, while I will also be there . . .  and the S.F. guy already knows that I’m coming.

Advice please,

Girl with a Boy in Every Port (So to speak and not simultaneously)

Dear G.W.A.B.I.E.P.,

Wow. That sounds like absolute heaven until it turns into absolute hell. Which I predict will occur long before you meet your maker. Like, say, the precise moment you touch down in San Francisco next month. I’m no prude. These kinds of things can work for short periods. God knows I’ve dated more than one man at a time at different points in my romantic career. But a year and a half is getting into deep-dark-secret-ville. And the trip to San Francisco is going to turn into a very unfunny rom-com before you can say Sex in Two Cities or 10 Things They’ll Both Hate About You. Wise up, girl. If you really want to continue seeing them both, have the huevos to come clean with them. If their “understanding” jibes with yours, you’re none the worse for it. If it doesn’t, you’re back on the market, this time maybe on the lookout for an athlete who can actually string a sentence together and that’ll be the best of both cities . . .  I mean worlds.

Good luck,

Cynthia

By Cynthia Amas of Second Acts Dating Service
This “advice” column is the result of art overtaking life. When author Julia Dumont created her leading lady, Cynthia Amas, for her Second Acts novels, she had no idea how domineering her character would become. Cynthia, a man-challenged matchmaker, insisted on writing her own dating advice blog. Julia tried to explain that fictional characters don’t usually write advice blogs for real people, but Cynthia was undaunted. The result is not your average dating blog, but it’s just as funny, irreverent and delightfully crazy as Cynthia.  Should you take her advice? Read on and decide for yourself.

Birth of Pencilvania

A Bit of History

Long ago in a far away place (which is rumored to be a few hours outside of Pittsburgh or, perhaps, somewhere near Cumberland, England) lies a place called Pencilvania.  Over the eons, Pencilvania evolved in its own way and in its own time.

But let’s not jump ahead of ourselves.  We should start at the beginning.

In the beginning, the Sharper Image in the Sky said, “Let there be a place made entirely of parchment.”  And so for millions (maybe even billions) of years there was a rather boring land of pasty looking parchment that spread across miles and miles of monotonously white plains (not to be confused with White Plains). Eventually, the Sharper Image in the Sky realized that he had created a pretty dull place.  Something, if not everything, was missing.  This land needed squiggly things and scribbles, bumpy lines and bold blurps, color and chaos and much, much more!

“Let there be Pencils,” he commanded.  At first it began with only a few tentative swirls and brief dots and dashes, but soon there was no end to the wildly  imaginative world that evolved.  Before you knew it, there were cavemen pencils and cannibals, clowns and clairvoyants.  Then came the sylphs, the sinners and the saints.

Centuries passed and as the Age of Enlightenment dawned halfway across the world in France, one very bright blue pencil invented blueprints.  That meant that buildings and battleships, bargain basements, grocery stores and gas stations, theaters and telemarketers could be united in a fantastic city that, of course, was named Pencilvania.  Blueprints and the ideas they expressed completely changed everything!

As civilization expanded in Pencilvania, things turned red and love was in bloom. But, with love, comes complication, twisted relationships and couples drawn to the forbidden fruits of desire and a lust for lead.

Naturally, it didn’t take long for word to get out and Pencilvania quickly became a destination spot for the adventurous.  Soon Pencilvania was teaming with tourists and Texans, fine lines and fine wines, graphic and graphite love stories where passion is never erased – all drawing attention to a fantastic world that can only be found in a vivid imagination.

Welcome to Pencilvania!  A place where love (and obsession) will never be pointless.

Visit the Gallery

Jayme Odgers Biography

Introducing Pencilvania

Jayme Odgers Biography

Born in Butte, Montana, Jayme Odgers graduated from The Art Center School in Los Angeles with a Bachelors Degree in Art with Great Distinction. In 1964 he became Paul Rand’s assistant by designing graphics for the IBM Pavilion fort the 1963 World’s Fair in Flushing New York.

In 1966 Odgers was awarded a Fulbright scholarship to study in Europe. During this phase of his life, he was honored with over 100 awards of excellence in design including Gold and Silver Medal Awards plus an international silver Typomundus Award for Excellence in typography.

In 1983, Jayme Odgers was selected along with fourteen ‘world class’ artists, including David Hockney, Robert Rauschenberg, Roy Lichtenstein, Johnathon Borfosky, and John Baldessari, to do an official poster of the 1984 Olympic Games, the XXIIIrd Olympiad, held in Los Angeles.

In 1986, Odgers was one of eight international artists commissioned to do a poster commemorating the 100th Anniversary of Thieme, the international publishing firm of Switzerland. Odgers continued garnering world-wide attention in helping to establish a new look for California design producing work which was later exhibited at the Museo Fortuny in Venice, Italy in 1987

His work has been exhibited at theBrooklynMuseum, the San Francisco Museum of Art,ArcoCenterfor the Visual Arts, The Albright Knox Museum and the Montreal Museum of Fine Arts, the permanent collection of the Smithsonian’sCooper-HewittMuseuminNew York Cityand The White House inWashington,D.C.

Jayme’s poster for the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences was included in theWalkerArtCenter’s 1984 landmark show, Posters of The Century: Design of the Avant Garde along with works by Rodchenko, Man Ray and Paul Rand.

He was also awarded an Honorary 2006 Henry Award for extraordinary contribution to California Modernist Design by the newly formedMuseumofCalifornia Design. Also, In 2006 Odgers’ was included in Megg’s History of Graphic Design.

In 2012 his work was included in POSTMODERISM, Style and Subversion 1970–1990 at the Victoria & Albert Museum in London, as well as in the latest Dictionary of Graphic Design and Designer by Thames & Hudson.

In addition to teaching at The Art Center School and its later incarnation the Art Center College of Design, the California Institute of the Arts and Otis-Parsons in Los Angeles, Jayme has guest taught and lectured extensively. He has toured and lectured in Tokyo, Nagoya and Osaka, Japan at the invitation of the Tokyo Gakuin, and was commissioned to co-design two water fountains for the Metropolitan Water District’s Headquarters Building plaza in downtown Los Angeles.

View the Pencilvania Gallery!

The Birth of Pencilvania

Introducing Pencilvania

Introducing Pencilvania

Where There’s a Point to Love

Today we want to introduce you to the imaginary world of Pencilvania created by award-winning artist and humorist, Jayme Odgers.

It has been said that “everything begins with a pencil.”  That’s completely true for the world of Pencilvania.  It is a state of mind, a place imagined, a world not unlike our own that is completely inhabited by pencils with personalities, passions, problems and points of view that draw us into their lives and make us laugh.

 

Why pencils? Why not the usual characters? Odgers feels that pencils are characters and have a great deal to say about the human condition having been with us for centuries. The plight of the pencils is a comic metaphor for our own fully leaded lives and relationships.

In our own complicated and overly connected world, the pencil is the perfect symbol of simplicity.  Even as technology conquers outer space and “ram” space, the pencil is alive and well and popular with people of all ages.

Most of all, Odger’s entertaining panels of pencils acting out remind us all how simple it is to have fun, and that fun begins with a pencil. For over twenty-five years he’s had a love (maybe even an obsession) for pencils. That passion for pencils has resulted in over 700 Pencilvania drawings.

His beautiful illustrations and quirky humor offer readers a warm smile and an insightful giggle with your morning (or midnight) cup of coffee.

We invite you to explore our Pencilvania Gallery  and draw your own conclusions.

The Birth of Pencilvania

Jayme Odgers Biography

Will This Relationship Go Up in Smoke?

Dear Second Acts;

I have been seeing a gorgeous guy for a while. He’s a trial lawyer and a good one. He is passionate about his work and about me. There’s really just one problem, but it’s a big, fat, stinky one. He smokes cigars. Now I know there are lots of women who like cigars, or at least pretend to. I know they’re supposed to make a man look powerful and sexy and all that, but I find them unbelievably disgusting. Try as I may to appreciate them, they truly make me want to vomit. Anyway, he loves to smoke them after meals, after work, and, most disturbingly, after sex. As a result, a relationship that should be hot and heavy is fizzling like a cheap stogie in a rainstorm. His noxious, phony phallus is destroying my sex drive.

Help—cough—me,

Polluted in Pittsburgh

 

Dear Polluted;

I hear you. And I smell him all the way from Pittsburgh. You’re right, there are some women who like the stench of cigars and even some who like smoking them, but to be honest, I think it’s very few. Women smoking cigars is mostly a male fantasy of public, metaphoric felatio, propagated by Madison Avenue or girlie magazines or both. Then again, I suppose that fantasy makes more sense than the one suggested by a heterosexual man smoking a flaming penis himself. I’m not sure. All I know is that I agree with you. There’s a guy two blocks away from me who smokes big, smelly cigars. I have never met him. And contrary to what he might think, I have no desire to meet him. In terms of your own handsome, smelly smokestack, you could ask him to go outside to light up, but honestly, for me anyway, he’d need to take a shower, launder his clothes, brush his teeth, and gargle with mouthwash for at least 30 minutes before he returned. Listen, you are still in the early stages of the relationship. This is the time to be as frank as possible about what you want and don’t want. He’s free to do the same. Ultimately, it’s up to you to know what your limits are. I know what I’d do, but I can’t make that call. If cigars are a deal breaker, lay them on the line and let the ashes fall where they may.

Good luck,

Cynthia

By Cynthia Amas of Second Acts Dating Service
This “advice” column is the result of art overtaking life. When author Julia Dumont created her leading lady, Cynthia Amas, for her Second Acts novels, she had no idea how domineering her character would become. Cynthia, a man-challenged matchmaker, insisted on writing her own dating advice blog. Julia tried to explain that fictional characters don’t usually write advice blogs for real people, but Cynthia was undaunted. The result is not your average dating blog, but it’s just as funny, irreverent and delightfully crazy as Cynthia.  Should you take her advice? Read on and decide for yourself.

When author Julia Dumont created her leading lady, Cynthia Amas, for  her Second Acts novels, she had no idea how domineering her character would become. Cynthia, a man-challenged matchmaker who is brilliant at finding love for everyone but herself, insisted on writing her own dating advice blog (coming in the third novel – Hearts Unleashedwhich will be available in March, 2013). Julia tried to explain that fictional characters don’t usually write advice blogs for real people, but Cynthia was undaunted. The result is not your average dating blog, but it’s just as funny, irreverent and delightfully crazy as Cynthia.  Should you take her advice? Read on and decide for yourself.

Run, Don’t Skywalk from this Relationship

Dear Second Acts;

I met a great guy. He is good-looking, intelligent, an accomplished person with a great career. I really like everything about him. Well, almost. He is a Star Wars fan…truly a fanatic. Most guys I know went through this phase, but this dude has experienced no such decline in this childhood obsession. He has a huge collection of Star Wars toys, books, comics, you name it. You know it’s bad when a grown man actually loves Jar Jar Binks. He has a model of Jar Jar on his nightstand, so every time we have sex, that annoying freak stares over at us with that moronic look on his face. Scary. Talk about a buzz kill. The Force is instantly not with me, if you know what I mean. It’s beyond disturbing. He’s also prone to making dumb references and annoying puns. I work at home, so instead of asking, “How’s work?” he says, “How’s it going with your Jabba in your Hutt?” Instead of, “Do you want to come over tonight?” he asks “Obi-Wanna Kenobi?” and worst of all, instead of, “Do you want to make love?” it’s “Hey, Princess, wanna get Leia-ed?” I’m so sick of it. But otherwise, he’s a great guy. I need an outside opinion.

Ready to Skywalk Away

 

Dear Ready to Skywalk;

One word: Skyrun! No, I’m sorry, ten words: Skyrun as fast as you can and don’t look back! Look, I’m sure you’re right . . . this nerd undoubtedly has his good qualities. But, holy moley, what’s a girl to R2-D2 with this pre-pubescent fan boy disguised as a grownup? I’ve got nothing against Star Wars per se, except that more than half of the movies are, how do you say? Oh, right, GOD AWFUL. Has he ever even seen a good movie? Has he ever read a book that’s not a lame novelization? I say give him one more chance.Tell him you want to go see some films without special effects or the word “episode” and a number in the title. Also, he needs to invest in a storage unit for the bulk of that memorabilia and declare a permanent moratorium on idiotic space-based puns. If he’s on board with all that, fine. Otherwise, inform him you are travelling to a galaxy far, far away and that, when it comes to sex, as far as you and probably all women in this or any galaxy, real or imagined, is concerned, he’ll likely be relegated to using his Hand Solo.

Best,

Cynthia

By Cynthia Amas of Second Acts Dating Service
This “advice” column is the result of art overtaking life. When author Julia Dumont created her leading lady, Cynthia Amas, for her Second Acts novels, she had no idea how domineering her character would become. Cynthia, a man-challenged matchmaker, insisted on writing her own dating advice blog. Julia tried to explain that fictional characters don’t usually write advice blogs for real people, but Cynthia was undaunted. The result is not your average dating blog, but it’s just as funny, irreverent and delightfully crazy as Cynthia.  Should you take her advice? Read on and decide for yourself.