So you’re going through a breakup. Yeah, it sucks, but there are actually a lot of great things that can come out of it. You’re able to devote yourself to your shoe collection; you may discover you’re really great at crocheting; you’re able to get all the puppies you want; nobody to stop you from buying that Moped you’ve always wanted. And, rebounds. It’s like being a kid in a candy store, really. So, here’s a sort of rundown on some of the most common rebound-types you may experience.
The You’ll-Do Rebound
We’ve all been here before. Whether it’s been five hours, five weeks, or five months–you get to a point after a breakup where anyone will do. The guy with the coffee-breath and Ray Bans, the bartender with the tattoos, that basketball player you sat behind in class your freshmen year of college.
The Level-Up Rebound
Like Nicki Minaj and Beyonce, you were really feeling yourself last night. Hell yeah. You scored a major hottie, a level-up from your ex. Confidence booster for sure.
The Virtual Rebound
You’ve connected on Tinder. His bio is hilarious and you find yourself opening up your app just to see if he’s messaged you back. He’ll ask you how your day was and exchange crazy ex stories with you. He’s a great way to distract you from checking to see if your ex has posted anything new on Instagram. Yeah, don’t do that.
The Platonic Rebound
Maybe he’s a friend you’ve known for a while, or maybe someone you’ve just met. Suddenly, he’s becoming something like your best friend. You love spending time with him, he’s funny and brings out this carefree side to you, but there’s no feelings for him… yet.
The Is-It-Love Rebound
Oh, no. You’ve developed feelings for your rebound. Rebound Rule 101 and you broke it. But hey, you never know, it could be love.
The Rebound-Rebound
No, not your ex! Absolutely nothing good comes from trying to make your ex your rebound. Yes he knows how to please you, but that’s about all the good that will come from a walk down memory lane.
The May-As-Well Rebound
You know it’s time to get back in the swing of things. It’s not that your standards have lowered, but when Grandma says her new neighbor has a cute son, you’re having a hard time finding a reason why you shouldn’t go through with this setup.
From Never Liked It Anyway, the number one destination for all things break-ups and bounce-back! It’s the place to buy, sell and tell all things ex! Sell your breakup baggage, tell your story and join the community of rock stars bouncing back better than ever! )
When you first learn of the affair it may come as quite a shock. Dealing with everyday life while you are trying to sort things out will be difficult. How can you focus on your work and household responsibilities when your mind is going a million miles an hour? Right now, you really can’t focus on anything else. So get away. If you can only do a weekend, then do a weekend. Go somewhere by yourself, preferably somewhere that you can be safe and can be as peaceful as possible, possibly surrounded by nature. Don’t bring any electronics, except for maybe your phone, but don’t talk to anyone. Check in with a trusted friend or family member at least twice a day so nobody worries.
You can try to tell yourself it didn’t happen, or you can obsess over every possible detail of it actually happening. Either way, you are going to drive yourself crazy. So it’s important to hear it from the source. Tell your partner that you need to talk to clear the air. Meet at a neutral place and have some questions ready. Mostly, try to stay calm and just be there to gather information for your own mental and emotional health. Ask questions such as, “How long has this been going on? Why did it start? Did I do anything wrong? Where do we go from here?” Try to stay general, as too many details will just make you feel worse. But actually knowing the truth will help keep you from going to all sorts of places in your mind. This probably won’t be the last time you two talk about this, so don’t feel like you need to have all the answers now. Just get enough to put your mind at rest.
This hurts—of course it hurts. So let the emotions fly. Just make sure you’re not where anyone else can get hurt. Good ways to get the anger out are exercise in all forms, like running, or boxing. Also yelling out in the middle of nowhere would be cathartic. Talk to a trusted friend and get all the emotions out. You could always write down all of your feelings until you get them all out; if you aren’t up for writing then record your voice. Say everything you are feeling. Once it’s all out then throw it away. Better yet, burn it (be careful, ok?). It will feel good.
Do this sooner rather than later. It’s really important for you to talk through this situation. It may take some time to get over, so just start now. And talking to a third party—someone who doesn’t know you or your partner—will help. Getting validation from an outside source is so helpful and will allow you to move forward. If your partner will go to couple’s therapy with you, then great. Just make sure to measure your expectations and continue to see your therapist separately as well.
Once you are in a better place emotionally, it’s time to think about what you want. Be honest with yourself. What do you want out of life right now? What is most important to you? How will you spend your time that you used to spend with your partner? Try not to make too many life choices right now, but do make decisions that will help your life be a little easier.
During trials like these, your true friends will stand by you. Try to let go of the ones who are unsupportive or have seemed to have disappeared; chances are it’s not personal. Just focus on the friends who can give you support and talk to them candidly. Perhaps schedule times you can talk or go out, even if you don’t want to talk about things. Just having their friendship and being there for you can be enough. Be open and honest but also talk about how much you appreciate their listening ear.
A cheating partner is one of the most negative things that can happen in your life. Once it happens, you can’t change it. The only thing you have control over is how you react. Anger, resentment, sadness, and even depression are a natural result. Hopefully once those have passed, you can better focus on turning this big negative thing into something positive. Take this opportunity to be thankful for what you do have, the friends and family who still surround you, and for the realization that you don’t have to live with the hurt anymore. Figure out how you can let it go and make your future brighter than you ever thought possible.