20 Questions To Ask Your Guy

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By Sylvia Smith

Let’s face it—your guy is pretty amazing, but he also doesn’t like to talk about himself. Why is that? Maybe it’s his selfless attitude, or he’s just a private person. Guys aren’t usually the masters of talking. Either way, you’re lucky to have him in your life.

When you’re dating or even if you’re in a committed relationship, there is nothing you want more than to learn everything there is to know about your special guy. But trying to get him to open up is sometimes like cracking a safe. Good luck learning that lock combo.

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But you really want to know. What are his deepest fears? What does he want most in this world? If you could just tap into his brain for a day, what secrets could you unlock about him? Also, knowing him on a deeper level would help you feel even more connected. As a married couple or as partners, there is nothing better.

That’s why we’ve come up with a list of 20 questions to ask your guy in order to learn more about him, and love him more in the process. They are questions that really get into what he is all about as a person, inside and out.

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The problem may be actually getting him to answer these questions. Maybe agree to get him to answer one a day via text, if you also answer the question, too. Or make it a game—once he completes all 20 then you’ll give him a special surprise. It could also be fun to have each of you answer these questions about HIM… and then compare your answers. This may take some convincing, so make it fun and hopefully he’ll see the value in doing it.

So print these questions, text them, or email them—just get them to him so he can answer them. You could even start with the less invasive questions at first to get him warmed up.

Good luck! Here are our 20 questions to ask your guy:

1. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Why do you think so?

2. Who is your hero or the person you look up to most (dead or alive)?

3. What is the biggest thing you look for in a guy friend? A girl friend? A marriage partner?

4. What is one of your strengths (physical, mental, spiritual, etc)?

5. What is one of your weaknesses (physical, mental, spiritual, etc)?

6. If you could travel anywhere right now for free, where would you go?

7. What is your dream job? Has this always been your dream job or has that changed?

8. If you could fix one thing in the world by just wishing it to change, what would it be?

9. What are your top three favorite foods (meals, snacks, desserts)?

10. What is your most embarrassing moment?

11. If someone were to portray you in a movie about your life, which actor would it be?

12. What is one thing you have always wanted to do?

13. What is your biggest fear (real or imagined)?

14. What motivates you the most in life?

15. If you had a free day to yourself, what would you do?

16. Have you ever lost a loved one, and what did it feel like?

17. What is your favorite book of all time?

18. What three things would you bring with you to a deserted island?

19. What do you think other people think about you when they first meet you?

20. When/how do you feel most loved?

Be sure to write down his answers so that you will both remember them in a year or two. His answers are bound to change over time, so if you revisit these in the future it would be fun to see if anything has changed.

Source: Never Liked It Anyway

Just the Facts, Mam! Murder by the Numbers

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By Katherine Sharma

Murder mysteries are fiction. The reality of murder is both more mundane and more inexplicably tragic. If you want to write a murder tale that accurately reflects crime data, you will describe a handgun homicide involving two male friends engaged in an argument that escalated. It would be more interesting if that argument involved a tabloid-favored motive, but conflicts over romance, money and drug/alcohol-fueled temper rarely lead to deadly consequences as it turns out.

Here are the statistics about real homicides: FBI data shows about 69% of 2013 murders involved firearms, mainly handguns. In contrast, knives/cutting instruments accounted for 12%, blunt objects 3.5%, and strangulation less than 1%. As for who is most likely to end up a murder victim, FBI 2013 data shows that 77.7 % of murder victims were male and 51.7% were black (compared to 45.7% white). And when it comes to the killers, where gender was known, 89.3% were male, and where race was known, 53.6% were black and 43.9% white.

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Although mass killings rose in 2015, one-to-one murder is still the norm, with nearly 47% of homicides single victim/single offender situations. And while people worry about evil serial killers, they should be paying attention to the people at the kitchen table. In incidents of murder for which the relationship of murder victim and offender were known, 55.9 % were killed by someone they knew (acquaintance, neighbor, friend, boyfriend), and 24.9% were slain by family members.

For a fiction writer looking for a realistic motive, here’s the scoop: Of the murders for which the circumstances of the crimes were known, 24.4 % of murders occurred during the commission of a felony (rape, robbery, burglary, drug deal), and 39.6% involved “arguments.” Digging into those personal conflicts, you find the cliché motives of murder fiction are rare: Love triangles accounted for just 1% of homicides, 2.3% involved an argument over money or property, and 2.6% involved a fight fueled by drugs or alcohol.

If you want to go deeper into the numbers, see https://www.fbi.gov/about-us/cjis/ucr/crime-in-the-u.s/2013/crime-in-the-u.s.-2013/offenses-known-to-law-enforcement/expanded-homicide/expandhomicidemain_final

ABOUT  KATHERINE SHARMA

Katherine Sharma’s family roots are in Louisiana, Oklahoma and Texas. But after her early childhood in Texas, she has moved around the country and lived in seven other states, from Virginia to Hawaii. She currently resides in California with her husband and three children. She has also traveled extensively in Europe, Africa and Asia, and makes regular visits to family in India. After receiving her bachelor’s degree. in economics and her master’s degree in journalism from the University of Michigan, Katherine worked as a newspaper and magazine writer and editor for more than 15 years. She then shifted into management and marketing roles for firms in industries ranging from outdoor recreation to insurance to direct marketing. Although Katherine still works as a marketing consultant, she is now focused on creative writing.

The Royal Romance of Queen Elizabeth – Part 2

True Romance July, 1953.

Read Part One Here

“The fact that her subjects are happy is a tribute to Elizabeth, the Queen. That her husband is happy is a tribute to Elizabeth, the woman.”

Queen Elizabeth II 1953When Princess Elizabeth of England and her husband Philip, Duke of Edinburgh began their married life in 1947, the world knew that here were two people deeply in love. Their romance had begun some four years earlier, in the dark days of the war. Elizabeth, well aware of her responsibilities as a future Queen, still had followed her own heart when it came to choosing a husband, and her marriage to Philip was above everything else a love match.

As Elizabeth and Philip stood together in Westminster Abbey to be married, be-hind them were the long months of waiting. Months when their youthful impatience had to be curbed while the way was being paved for them to be together. For this was not an ordinary marriage. This was the marriage of a future queen to her consort-to-be and every precaution had to be taken to he sure Philip would be acceptable to Elizabeth’s subjects.

Repeated denials were issued in answer to rumors of their engagement, while, behind the scenes, all the obstacles to their marriage were being patiently removed. First, Philip had to give up his title as Prince of Greece and his Greek citizenship and become plain Lieutenant Philip Mountbatten. It was only then that Elizabeth’s father, King George VI, could give him the British title of Duke of Edinburgh, and prepare the way for their wedding.

But if the whole world knew that Elizabeth and Philip were very much in love only those closest to them were aware of the inner qualities which each brought to their marriage. This is a marriage unlike any other marriage in the world, one in which the wife’s position would force her to come first always to take the spotlight while her husband stood aside.

Long ago, when she was a child, Elizabeth said to her governess and friend. Miss Marion Crawford, ”When I get married, Crawfie, I shall make my husband as happy as Mummy has made Papa.” She couldn’t have known then how difficult such a task would be. Today she knows. But she must know, too, that she has kept word.

Keeping her word is one of Queen Elizabeth’s habits. Again and again, when a has promised to appear somewhere, or something, she has carried out her promise in spite of illness, weariness, or special circumstances which most people would feel gave them good reason for begging off. An incident which took place a few months after her marriage illustrates this trait.

Elizabeth has always feared and dislike the sea. She has more than her share personal bravery, but something about the immensity of the ocean spells danger to her. All her life she has had to fight this weakness, because as a member of the Royal Family she must often travel by water.

On this particular occasion an aid; visit was planned for Elizabeth and Phil to visit the Channel Islands. During the war these English possessions off the coast of France had been occupied by the Nazis and the Royal visit was being eagerly awaited by the islanders.

But the day of the visit, an angry wind whipped the water of the English Channel into towering waves, and by the time Elizabeth’s ship reached the island of Sark, she was white and almost fainting with seasickness. The ship had to anchor off-shore, and between it and land was a strip of rough sea which could only be crossed in a small boat.

“Are you sure you’re well enough to go ashore?” Philip asked Elizabeth anxiously.

Too ill to speak, she could only look up at him and nod. If she had spoken, Philip knew what she would have said, as she had said on so many other occasions: ‘I can’t disappoint all those people.”

With Philip’s hand steadying her, Elizabeth made her way down the ship’s ladder and safely into the small boat, which rose and fell dizzyingly on the waves. At the pier, to disembark, it was necessary for Elizabeth to jump from the boat at the exact moment a wave lifted it up level with the stone pavement. Twice she tried to leap ashore, but each time she hesitated a moment too long, until after the boat had started to sink again into the trough of the wave. On the third attempt, Philip gave her a push at precisely the right moment, and she flew into a waiting aide’s arms.

The only doctor on the island, who was in the welcoming party, saw Elizabeth’s paleness and said, “Your Royal Highness ought to rest awhile.” But Elizabeth shook her head.

“I shall be all right,” she said. Then she set out on the tour of inspection the island people had arranged for her.

This quiet but intense awareness of her responsibilities is one of the many reasons for Elizabeth’s popularity as Queen. When, six or seven months after her marriage, the news leaked out that she was expecting a child, the people of England were pleased, but not surprised. The general feeling was that Princess Elizabeth knew perfectly well that one of her duties was to provide an heir to the throne of England, and was attending to the job without delay.

And when, a few days before her first wedding anniversary, Prince Charles was born, it seemed perfectly natural that her first child should be a boy, and that her second child Princess Anne, should he born the following year. As one British nobleman expressed it, “I always knew her first child would be a son, because Elizabeth always does the right thing. She’ll never let us down.”

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Nor has Elizabeth let her husband down either. Just as she is a woman as well as a queen, she knows that Philip is an extremely masculine man as well as a royal consort. She could not love him so much if he were different. Wisely, instead of trying to change him, she has encouraged him to use these qualities for their mutual benefit.

Someone has defined a Queen’s husband as “a man who must behave like a King but never be one.” For Philip can have no hand in the business of government. The state papers which come to Elizabeth every day are for her eyes only. Many are so secret that she cannot even discuss them with him, and so there is part of Elizabeth’s life from which Philip must be forever shut out.

But Philip is, actually, not much interested in politics. As Duke of Edinburgh, he is a member of England’s House of Lords, but he has attended its meetings only two or three times—always carefully choosing a seat in a neutral section of the chamber to show that he favors no political group. He is not a profound thinker, although he can grasp any subject that interests him. He is happiest in some activity that brings him into contact with people—for he has a genuine love of humanity, and the ability to get along well with his fellow human beings.

It was on their tour of Canada together in 1951 that Philip’s ability to work with and for Elizabeth was seen most plainly. This trip was one of the most exhausting ever taken by a royal couple. In little more than a month, Elizabeth and Philip traveled clear across the width of Canada and back again, with a forty-five-hour side journey to Washington, D. C.

In addition to the strain of the trip itself, Elizabeth was worried about the health of her father, George VI, whose illness had prevented him from making this very tour. Elizabeth and Philip had gone in his place.

Time and again, as they stood for long hours shaking hands, or watching some parade or celebration, Philip’s easy good nature found a way to cut through the stiff formality of the proceedings and bring a smile to everyone’s lips. Probably the only smile he really was anxious to see was Elizabeth’s, but the result was that he charmed everyone.

Once, in Victoria, British Columbia, a teen-age girl in the crowd pretended to swoon at the sight of him. He caught sight of her and grinned. “Steady, now,” he said. And again, at a Washington reception, a pretty young woman in the reception line waiting to meet Elizabeth and Philip, murmured “Mmmm!” at sight of him. Philip heard, leaned forward, took a good look at the young woman from head to toe, and went, “Mmmmmmmmm!” in return.

In the months following their return from the Canadian tour it became increasingly apparent that Elizabeth might he called to the throne very soon. King George’s health, which had failed under the strain of the war years, became a matter for serious concern. He underwent an operation from which it was feared he might not recover. But then, late in 1951, he did recover, to the great joy of England and the members of his family But his condition was still serious.

Another tour, this time to Africa, had long been planned for the first months of 1952. If Elizabeth had been able to consult only her own wishes, she would have postponed the journey until her father was completely well again, but a Royal visit involves the efforts of too many people to cancel it, and once again Elizabeth felt she could not, must not, disappoint them all. So late in January, she and Philip left England by air, for Africa.

King George was well enough to see them off at the airport. For minutes after the plane was in the air he stood, bareheaded, looking after it—wondering perhaps if he would live to see his daughter’s return. He did not. On February 6, 1952, after a happy day spent in the open air at Sandringham Castle, he died in his sleep.

It was morning when the news reached Africa—morning of what had been planned as a busy day of sight-seeing and greeting local dignitaries. Elizabeth and Philip had been in Africa barely a week. Philip was the first to be told the news as he came out of the suite where he and Elizabeth had slept, and it was his duty to go back and break the tragic news to his wife.

An hour or so later, Philip and Elizabeth came out of their suite together. The traces of her tears were still plain on Elizabeth’s face, but she was composed and calm as a Queen should be. Immediately, she began preparations for her return to England—the first woman ever to become Queen of England on African soil. The time for her private grief was past, and she could not give way to it again.

Already, upon her return, she found waiting for her the “boxes” which represent part of a Queen’s work. These are dispatch cases, delivered twice a day, filled with papers for the reigning monarch to read or sign. Unless they are attended to immediately, the machinery of the King’s—in Elizabeth’s case, the Queen’s—government would come to a stop. For the rest of her life, these boxes will follow Elizabeth wherever she goes, even on a holiday.

But paper work is, of course, only one part of a Queen’s duties. Queen Elizabeth is up every morning at seven o’clock —an hour earlier than when she was just a princess. By nine o’clock she is at her desk, ready for the appointments which fill her day–ambassadors, photographers, dressmakers (for a Queen must always be in fashion), cabinet officers, officials frost England’s overseas dominions.

Elizabeth could not follow her crowded schedule without two priceless assets: perfect health and a keen, disciplined mind. Her mind startled at least one distinguished American citizen during the short time she and Philip were in Washington during their American tour. At a White House dinner, the Princess was seated next to Charles E. Wilson, head of General Motors who is now Secretary of Defense. Wilson was prepared to make small talk, but Elizabeth began discussing sabre jet planes.

She has a remarkable memory, not only for facts but for faces. In a small Canadian town, she was being greeted by the local big-wigs, a group which included one rather embarrassed boy-scout. Shaking, hands with him, she asked, “Didn’t I met you in London last year?” It was true; he’d been one of a delegation of scouts from all over the Empire who had been presented to her at the Palace the year before.

But Elizabeth has more than a good memory. She has a friendly consideration for other people. She is intensely aware of other people’s feelings and emotions.

She is with Philip nearly every night for dinner, and sometimes they are able to lunch together. At five o’clock she runs to the third floor of the palace to spend an hour with her children, four-year-old Prince Charles and two-year-old Princes Anne. Here, she is, for a little while, a mother, amusing her children.

Elizabeth loves children—all children-and she takes her duties as a mother no less seriously than she takes all her other duties. Her children are in the care of nurse and governess, but the Queen keeps a close watch on their training and welfare. They are being reared as she was herself with a blending of discipline and affection.

Neither Charles nor Anne is ever spanked; punishment consists of being set out of the room and being made to apologize before forgiveness is granted. Bad habits are gently but firmly discourage (as when Prince Charles discovered, at the age of one-and-a-half, it was fun to throw his toys out of his carriage onto the ground. The first time he did it, the toy was picked up and returned to him. The second time, the toy was picked up – but not returned. Prince Charles got the idea.

Philip is no different from husband everywhere in the world, as far as the children are concerned. He leaves most of their upbringing to his wife, but there are times when he steps in with a little discipline of his own. Not long ago he (decided that Prince Charles was being spoil by getting too many toys, and he ordered no more presents until Christmas.

His relationship with his children is characteristically, easy and informal. Once ready to take off from Malta for a flight to England, he delighted the crowd by saying, “I’ll be home for tea with the kids.” In contrast to Philip’s informality and friendliness, Elizabeth is gracious and serene, and small wonder, for she has been raised to be Queen. But Philip must often be galled by the list of things he must, or must not do, as the Queen’s husband. He is not supposed to pay for anything himself —an aide carries money and pays for him. He and Elizabeth may attend a theater together, or see a movie—but only if advance notice is given and the performance is considered “suitable.” If they would simply like to see a movie, a special private performance has to be arranged at the Palace.

In a few cases, Philip has rebelled against tradition or compromised with it. He sees no reason why he should have to have a chauffeur to drive him when he enjoys driving so much himself. So he lets the chauffeur have the wheel in London, but as soon as they are in the country he and the chauffeur change places, and Philip drives. He considers the round-topped, black bowler hat, which Royalty is expected to wear in public, most unbecoming and carries it in his hand.

Occasionally he performs a refreshingly un-royal exploit, like the time he and a few friends, taking a refresher naval course in Northern Ireland (which is part of England) slipped across the border into Eire, the Irish Free State. Neither England, nor members of its Royal Family are exactly popular in Eire, and Philip and his companions were recognized eating an unrationed meal of steak, eggs and French fries in a Donegal restaurant.

But Philip has his own kind of dignity, too, and he works as hard at his job as Elizabeth works at hers. He is President of the National Playing Fields Association and a patron of the London Federation of Boys’ Clubs, both activities reflecting his interest in young people and sports. He is active president of many other organizations, and conscientiously attends meetings throughout England and Scotland. He goes down into coal mines and through steel mills and up in airplane, and out to sea on ships. At his own suggestion, he lamed Chairman of the Coronation Commission, taking all the worriers concerning that  enormous occasion from his busy wife. He has gained a reputation for making short, witty speeches, and is in constant demand at public affairs and large dinners. In one week he often has engagements which require him to travel hundreds of miles, make a dozen speeches, shake a thousand hands – and keep smiling.

At those appearances which Elizabeth must make as Queen, her husband is always .t her side. Often, when the public sees them standing together on the palace balcony – only, waving to the cheering crowds, smiling and happy, it is easy to imagine that underneath the railing, they are holding hands. The English people say Philip has the “common touch.” In America we’d say he’s a “regular guy.”

There are undoubtedly a few die-hard aristocrats in England who feel that both Elizabeth and Philip are too democratic, too lacking in dignity. These are the ones who were shocked at learning that after is marriage Philip began taking flying lessons. And they are the ones who criticized Elizabeth for twice leaving England while she was Princess, and joining her husband for a few weeks in Malta where he was stationed with the Royal Navy. But the ordinary people of England understand and love their young ruler and her husband all the more because they’re not afraid to show their human side. They know, these ordinary people, that a good Queen must first of all be a happy woman. And they can never doubt Elizabeth’s happiness with Philip—nor that she in her turn, has kept that childish promise she made so long ago, to make her husband “as happy as Mummy has made Papa.”

5648624121_5372a474b1Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Phillip will celebrate their 69th wedding anniversary November 20, 2016.  Queen Elizabeth is 90 (born April, 21, 1926) and Prince Philip will be 95 (born June 10, 1921).

Read Part One Here

7 Ways To Get Over Your Cheating Partner

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By Sylvia Smith

It happened. Your partner cheated on you. Maybe you saw it coming, or perhaps it totally blindsided you. Either way, it hurts. Really badly. Though it’s not something you may ever completely get over, there are ways to get up, dust yourself off, and get past it as much as possible. You can’t change what has already happened, but here are 7 ways to get over your former cheating partner.

1. Get away

ThinkstockPhotos-182100239When you first learn of the affair it may come as quite a shock. Dealing with everyday life while you are trying to sort things out will be difficult. How can you focus on your work and household responsibilities when your mind is going a million miles an hour? Right now, you really can’t focus on anything else. So get away. If you can only do a weekend, then do a weekend. Go somewhere by yourself, preferably somewhere that you can be safe and can be as peaceful as possible, possibly surrounded by nature. Don’t bring any electronics, except for maybe your phone, but don’t talk to anyone. Check in with a trusted friend or family member at least twice a day so nobody worries.

2. Talk to your (soon to be former) significant other
ThinkstockPhotos-466346969You can try to tell yourself it didn’t happen, or you can obsess over every possible detail of it actually happening. Either way, you are going to drive yourself crazy. So it’s important to hear it from the source. Tell your partner that you need to talk to clear the air. Meet at a neutral place and have some questions ready. Mostly, try to stay calm and just be there to gather information for your own mental and emotional health. Ask questions such as, “How long has this been going on? Why did it start? Did I do anything wrong? Where do we go from here?” Try to stay general, as too many details will just make you feel worse. But actually knowing the truth will help keep you from going to all sorts of places in your mind. This probably won’t be the last time you two talk about this, so don’t feel like you need to have all the answers now. Just get enough to put your mind at rest.

3. Allow yourself to get mad
ThinkstockPhotos-465089265This hurts—of course it hurts. So let the emotions fly. Just make sure you’re not where anyone else can get hurt. Good ways to get the anger out are exercise in all forms, like running, or boxing. Also yelling out in the middle of nowhere would be cathartic. Talk to a trusted friend and get all the emotions out. You could always write down all of your feelings until you get them all out; if you aren’t up for writing then record your voice. Say everything you are feeling. Once it’s all out then throw it away. Better yet, burn it (be careful, ok?). It will feel good.

4. Get in to see a therapist
ThinkstockPhotos-536949845Do this sooner rather than later. It’s really important for you to talk through this situation. It may take some time to get over, so just start now. And talking to a third party—someone who doesn’t know you or your partner—will help. Getting validation from an outside source is so helpful and will allow you to move forward. If your partner will go to couple’s therapy with you, then great. Just make sure to measure your expectations and continue to see your therapist separately as well.

5. Figure out what you want
ThinkstockPhotos-466256175Once you are in a better place emotionally, it’s time to think about what you want. Be honest with yourself. What do you want out of life right now? What is most important to you? How will you spend your time that you used to spend with your partner? Try not to make too many life choices right now, but do make decisions that will help your life be a little easier.

6. Rally support
ThinkstockPhotos-475151462During trials like these, your true friends will stand by you. Try to let go of the ones who are unsupportive or have seemed to have disappeared; chances are it’s not personal. Just focus on the friends who can give you support and talk to them candidly. Perhaps schedule times you can talk or go out, even if you don’t want to talk about things. Just having their friendship and being there for you can be enough. Be open and honest but also talk about how much you appreciate their listening ear.

7. Turn a negative into a positive
ThinkstockPhotos-459911293A cheating partner is one of the most negative things that can happen in your life. Once it happens, you can’t change it. The only thing you have control over is how you react. Anger, resentment, sadness, and even depression are a natural result. Hopefully once those have passed, you can better focus on turning this big negative thing into something positive. Take this opportunity to be thankful for what you do have, the friends and family who still surround you, and for the realization that you don’t have to live with the hurt anymore. Figure out how you can let it go and make your future brighter than you ever thought possible.

Source: Never Liked It Anyway

Unconventional Crime Fiction, California Style

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By Katherine Sharma

If your mystery bookshelf is overstocked with British-accented capers, hard-boiled noir and “cozy” cat-lady sleuths, it’s time to add crime fiction titles that will take you off the beaten path. And what better setting for the unconventional than California?

sistersHere are four examples of wilder, weirder California-style crime fiction. Start with The Sisters Brothers, Patrick DeWitt’s Wild West tale, shortlisted for the 2012 Booker Prize, about hitmen brothers Eli and Charlie Sisters, who are hired to track down and kill a prospector named Hermit Kermit Warm. The psychopathic brothers’ misadventures as they travel on horseback from Oregon to San Francisco involve violent fur trappers, floozies, con artists, drifters and dentists, in a flurry of Western cliches subverted.

 

royal familyThe West Coast scene stays grim into modern times with The Royal Family by William T. Vollmann, final entry in his “Prostitution Trilogy” set in San Francisco’s seamy Tenderloin District. The plot revolves around a struggling private investigator, obsessively in love with the wife of his brother, a successful lawyer in the Financial District, who is hired by a shadowy tycoon to track down a “Queen of the Whores” overseeing the city’s underworld of sex workers and addicts.

 

inherent viceHead south to L.A.’s underbelly next, with Inherent Vice by Thomas Pynchon, famed for the classic Gravity’s Rainbow. Drawing on his life in Manhattan Beach in the 1960s and ’70s, Pynchon offers protagonist Larry “Doc” Sportello, a pothead Philip Marlowe who sets out to help an ex-girlfriend worried about a threat to her married real-estate tycoon lover. The business mogul disappears, his bodyguard is murdered, and Doc is drawn into a psychedelic web of police vigilantes, assassination plots, drug deals, shady businesses and political radicals.

 

mystic artsFor more L.A.-weird, read  When down-on-his-luck Webster Fillmore Goodhue takes a job with the Clean Team, a firm doing “trauma scene and waste cleaning” (inspiring the title), he gets involved with a seductive female client whose father has blown his brains out–and is quickly sucked into a world of hijackers, smugglers and cold-blooded killers.

Of course, other places besides California fit into strange, original crime novels. For more, read http://www.allthingscrimeblog.com/2013/06/24/ten-best-weird-crime-novels-that-will-keep-you-up-all-night-reading/

ABOUT  KATHERINE SHARMA

Katherine Sharma’s family roots are in Louisiana, Oklahoma and Texas. But after her early childhood in Texas, she has moved around the country and lived in seven other states, from Virginia to Hawaii. She currently resides in California with her husband and three children. She has also traveled extensively in Europe, Africa and Asia, and makes regular visits to family in India. After receiving her bachelor’s degree. in economics and her master’s degree in journalism from the University of Michigan, Katherine worked as a newspaper and magazine writer and editor for more than 15 years. She then shifted into management and marketing roles for firms in industries ranging from outdoor recreation to insurance to direct marketing. Although Katherine still works as a marketing consultant, she is now focused on creative writing.

The Royal Romance of Queen Elizabeth II

In honor of Queen Elizabeth’s 90th birthday today, we would like to share a bit of her amazing life. Pulled from the vaults of a True Romance Magazine in June 1953, we proudly present the first of 2 parts detailing the life and love of this wonderful woman.

“The Royal Romance of Queen Elizabeth” “Once upon a time the beautiful princess and the handsome prince fell in love…” This is the TRUE fairy tale of Elizabeth and Philip

Queen Elizabeth 1953

Her Majesty, Elizabeth the Second, Queen of Great Britain, Northern Ireland, and the British Dominions beyond the seas

On June 2, a slim, sweet-faced young woman of twenty-seven will stand in the misty nave of Westminster Abbey and how her brown head to receive the ancient crown of England.

Thanks to the modern magic of television and radio, the eyes and ears of the whole Western world will be upon Elizabeth the Second at that moment. To us in America, as we listen and watch, will come some of the same magic that touches the people of Great Britain in that solemn, hopeful hour.

When, the ceremony over, the cameras swing from Elizabeth, we will see another figure—tall, handsome Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, husband of the Queen. For an instant, perhaps, his eyes and hers will meet, just as the eyes of a husband and wife seek each other out the world over to flash a message of shared understanding. And suddenly these two people will not be the queen of a great nation, and her consort, but simply a man and woman building a life together, under conditions which are more difficult, in a special kind of way, than any other young couple in the world are asked to face.

For a queen must be more than a woman, more than a wife, more than a mother. And the husband of a queen must have in abundance qualities few men possess—tact, and generosity, and a willingness to stay in the background. He must always take second place to his wife.

Philip, as this is written, has not been formally named Prince Consort, though he may have been by Coronation Day. If so, he will be only the fourth Prince Consort in all of Britain’s centuries of history. None of the other three was popular. Even Prince Albert, Victoria’s husband, was disliked and distrusted by the British people during his lifetime. It was only after his death that they began calling him “Albert the Good.”

Whether or not it is decided to give Philip the title of Prince Consort, he has the distinction of being the first husband of reigning Queen of England to be loved and admired by the public. And this fact is in itself a tribute not only to him, but to Elizabeth—and above all to the love they have for each other.

Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip 1950'sMany a royal marriage has been arranged for reasons of state. But Elizabeth and Philip’s was a love match, a romance to catch the hearts of lovers everywhere. It will be six years next November since the wedding of Queen Elizabeth and the Duke of Edinburgh. On November 20, 1947, she was Princess Elizabeth and he had until recently been plain Lt.  Philip Mountbatten of the Royal Navy. But they both knew, even then, that this moment of Elizabeth’s coronation must come eventually. That knowledge had been one of the most stubborn obstacles to their marriage.

From the moment of her birth on April 21, 1926, there was always the possibility that Elizabeth might someday be Queen of England. It was no more than a possibility at first, because her father, the Duke of York, was only the second son of King George V. The eldest son, the Prince of Wales, was a bachelor and likely to be married at any time and so produce an heir. Elizabeth was third in succession.

Queen Elizabeth as a child True Romance 1953

From her childhood on, the young Princess was trained to be queen

But when Elizabeth was ten, the whole situation changed. George V, her grandfather, died, and shortly afterward his eldest son, King Edward the VIII, renounced the throne in order to marry the American divorcee, Wallis Warfield Simpson. Elizabeth’s father became King George VI—and Elizabeth stood next in the line of succession to the throne of England.

From then on, Elizabeth was trained to be Queen. She did her lessons standing up —because a queen must spend long hours on her feet at reviews and receptions. She learned the royal traditions of England, and how it is that a queen can never be quite a private person, but must belong first of all to the people of England.

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King George VI and Queen Elizabeth Angela Marguerite Bowes-Lyon parents of Princess Elizabeth (left) and sister Princess Margaret (right)

At occasional children’s parties, she met the boy who was known as Prince Philip of Greece, a tall, towheaded lad nearly five years her senior. She thought he was inclined to be superior and rowdy, and didn’t like him much. But then, she was only six and he was eleven.

Philip and Elizabeth are actually distant cousins, descended from the same great-great-grandparents—Queen Victoria and her husband, Prince Albert. But while Elizabeth is directly descended from Victoria’s oldest son, Edward VII, King of England, Philip’s line began with Princess Alice, a younger daughter of Victoria, who was never in line for the throne. Though he is of Royal blood, Philip has never been in the direct line of succession to any throne.

Through the complicated intermarriage of royalty in Europe, he can claim the titles of Prince of Greece and Denmark, but essentially Philip is English through and through. He was sent as a young boy to England and raised there under the care of his uncle, Lord Louis Mountbatten. By training and inclination he became completely British, but the mere fact that he inherited the title of a Greek prince created a good deal of confusion in the minds of the British people when it first became apparent that Elizabeth and he were in love.

Growing up, Philip and Elizabeth saw each other from time to time. Elizabeth and her sister Margaret Rose were friends with Pamela and Patricia Mountbatten, Philip’s cousins, and often visited them. If Philip was there, on vacation from his boarding school, he joined their games. Once Elizabeth coaxed him into taking a part in one of the Christmas plays she loved to arrange, but he was so plainly uncomfortable and self-conscious in his role, that she relented during rehearsals and let someone else play the part.

Even then, as a boy, Philip loved the sea. His school had been specially selected to prepare him for the Royal Navy, and on practice sailing trips he was always chosen to work in the galley because he was the one boy who could be depended on not to be seasick. He was then, as he is now, a gay, easy-going fellow, with a keen sense of fun, and highly independent. He was annoyed by the tradition, of what he called “this royalty nonsense, and he always liked the society of ordinary, everyday people.

By the time the war began, Philip and Elizabeth were good friends, in an easy, uncomplicated way. Philip, at eighteen, went straight into the Navy as a midshipman, serving in the Mediterranean Fleet. Elizabeth stayed in London, with her parents, waiting for the bombs to fall. As the war years passed, Elizabeth turned from a girl into a young woman. She was seventeen when, at a dance given by her aunt, the Duchess of Kent, she met Philip again.

The few years of separation had changed them both. Elizabeth was taller and slimmer. Her hair, originally a dark gold, had deepened into brown. Her skin was a lovely, unblemished satin, with the exquisite coloring which makes her so much more beautiful in real life than she appears in her pictures.

queen-elizabeth-and-prince-philip-engagement-july-9_1947Philip, strikingly handsome as a boy, had become even more attractive as a man. His service at sea had hardened his tall, lean body, and with his blond hair, chiseled features, and quick, quizzical smile, he was someone any princess might lose her heart to.

After that party, at which Philip and Elizabeth danced together almost un-interruptedly, the rumors began. Every visit Philip made to Buckingham Palace, or to Windsor Castle—and he made several—was reported in the newspapers. Someone remembered a remark the young Princess had made: “The man I marry will have to be tall and good looking.” Was she describing Philip, hinting that she had already made up her mind?

But the marriage of a future queen can’t be decided in a month, or even a year. All the rumors were abruptly silenced when Philip returned to sea duty and Elizabeth began appearing In public with other young men. It was plain that the King and Queen had talked to Elizabeth, reminding her of what she already knew—that her life was not entirely her own. She belonged to the people of England and her first duty was to them.

A serious objection to Philip as a suitor for Elizabeth’s hand was that his family—the Royal Family of Greece—was decidedly unpopular with many sections of the British public. So much so that any talk of a marriage between them could have had unfortunate political consequences. It hadn’t been so very many years since England was rocked by the scandal of King Edward’s abdication in favor of marriage to Mrs. Simpson, and the Royal Family was anxious to avoid anything which might look like a repetition of that affair.

In addition, the King and Queen of England were like two loving parents anywhere. They didn’t want their daughter to rush into a marriage she might later regret. With particularly good reason in their case, too, because divorce for a member of the Royal Family of England is simply not possible. Whomever Elizabeth chose as her husband must remain her husband for her lifetime.

So “wait,” was the advice given Elizabeth and Philip. “Wait until the war is over, wait until you are both older and more sure of your hearts.”

With the sense of responsibility which had been drilled into her from childhood on, Elizabeth consented to follow this advice. But with the loyalty which is also one of her chief characteristics, she kept Philip’s picture on her dressing table, and through the months which remained of the war, she and Philip wrote to each other regularly.

Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip True Romance 1953

It was easy to see that Elizabeth and Philip’s love was a match

“BUT when you’re in love, letters are a AM poor substitute for the nearness your heart longs for, and during the summer of 1945 Elizabeth persuaded her parents to invite Philip to visit the family at Balmoral Castle in Scotland. There, in the midst of magnificent highland scenery, they danced and laughed and rode, finding relaxation from the war and the busy official life of London. For the first time, perhaps, the King and Queen began looking upon Philip seriously as a possible future husband for Elizabeth. In one way, though, that happy time at Balmoral Castle was a mistake.

The English newspapers got wind of it and added it to all the rumors that had been circulating about Philip and Elizabeth before. Only a few weeks after Philip had returned from Balmoral Castle to his Navy barracks. he opened a newspaper at breakfast and saw his own engagement to the future Queen of England announced in blazing headlines.

This premature, unauthorized announcement was a bitter blow to both young people. For under the circumstances, the only thing the Palace could do was to issue an immediate denial, flatly saying that no engagement existed or was planned. From then on the relationship between Philip and Elizabeth was constantly aired in the British press, and became a matter of public discussion.

Now people who had never seen either Elizabeth or the man she loved were having their say on the matter. “Why can’t she pick an Englishman?” was a question you could hear in almost any corner pub. “Who is this Greek chap?”

About the same time, just when interest in him was at its peak, Philip had a stroke of bad luck. He was a fast but usually expert driver of his little British-made open roadster. One evening, rounding a corner at high speed, he skidded and went into the ditch beside the road. He wasn’t hurt and the car wasn’t too badly damaged, but the story got into the papers and gave gossips something else to wag their tongues about.

Prince Philip 1954

Prince Philip 1954

During the months after their engagement had been denied, both Philip and Elizabeth learned to practice the strictest self-discipline. They still saw each other, but only occasionally, and then only at large social affairs to which each came separately. Every news photographer in England was on the alert to catch a photograph of them together—but not one ever did.

Elizabeth would not discuss her feelings about Philip with anyone except members of her family. But her closest friends used to see a new expression in her face–a wistfulness that seemed to be saying, “Why can’t I be with the man I love? Why can’t he be with me? Why must we pretend like this? Why must we delay, and delay, and delay?”

But behind the scenes efforts were at last being made to make their marriage possible. The newspapers, for all their curiosity about Elizabeth’s private plans, were willing to help in a quiet little campaign deliberately started by Palace circles. The campaign was designed to show Philip off as a regular Englishman, and not some “Greek chap” no one had ever heard of. His excellent war record was widely published, and so was a photograph showing him with his Navy buddies in a pub, joking with the barmaid. In it, Philip’s real liking for ordinary people was somehow so apparent that those same ordinary people who had disapproved of him before began saying to each other, “Young Philip looks like a decent sort. Elizabeth might go farther and do worse.”

One thing the King and Queen and their advisers did insist upon before they would consent to announce the engagement. Elizabeth must go with her parents on a tour of South Africa. Not only was it her duty to appear with them in that far off but important corner of the Dominions, but one last separation from Philip was considered advisable.

Only Philip and Elizabeth themselves know what passed through their minds during the months of separation while the Princess dutifully greeted South African dignitaries, and admired South African scenery, and Philip remained in England, waiting. Elizabeth must have remembered what she had read in her history books of Victoria and Albert. “I know,” Victoria wrote in her diary after her engagement, “that I am asking him to make a very great sacrifice.” And so it proved to be. Though he loved Victoria, Albert was a far from happy man. Did she, Elizabeth, have the right to expect Philip to make the same sacrifice? To sink his personality in hers, to stand forever in the background while she, the Princess –and later the Queen -was always in the spotlight. Could they, or any couple, be happy in such a situation?

Very similar thoughts must have come to Philip. He was a man of action, an athlete. He was impatient with the stuffiness of Royal tradition and protocol. Now he was in love, and it seemed to him he could cope with any situation. But what about later on? How would he feel with the passing years knowing that his position in the world, his work, his every action must be considered in the light of his wife’s position as Queen? Would he measure up to it? Any man would have to ask himself that question fearfully.

And some men might have answered it. “No, I can’t. I’m not the type. I can’t take second place to any woman, not even to the woman I love.”

Philip did not answer it that way.

Elizabeth missed Philip so terribly on that South African tour that when the ship docked on her return and she felt the soil of England under her feet, she did a little jig of happiness. One of the first visitors to Buckingham Palace after the Royal Family’s return was Philip, driving all night in his roadster from the port where he was stationed. Whatever doubts either Elizabeth or Philip had had during their separation vanished now in the delight of meeting again. And from then on, although other denials of their engagement were issued, quiet preparations to make Philip eligible went on.

Prince Phllip and Queen Elizabeth waving True Romance 1953

Elizabeth and Philip were never out of the public eye. But they never minded the adoration which limited their privacy

On the advice of his uncle, Lord Mount-batten, Philip applied for British naturalization papers, renouncing his Greek citizenship and his title. He took his uncle’s surname and became Lieutenant Philip Mountbatten. And at last the long-awaited official announcement came from the Place. “It is with the greatest pleasure that the King and Queen announce the betrothal of their dearly beloved daughter the Princess Elizabeth to Lieutenant Philip Mountbatten, R.N., son of the late Prince Andrew of Greece and Princess Andrew (Princess Alice of Battenberg), to which union the King has gladly given his consent.”

Very soon after the announcement of their engagement, the time came for Philip and Elizabeth to make their first public appearances together, first at a large garden party within the Palace grounds, and later on a balcony of the Palace where they could be seen by the public. Long before the time they were to appear on the balcony, crowds gathered outside. Standing inside the glass doors, Philip struggled with nervousness.
Then the doors were thrown open. Elizabeth gave Philip a quick smile that seemed to say, “Darling, don’t worry. You’ll get used to this. I have.” Then together they stepped across the threshold, and at sight of them the crowd gave a roar that seemed to halt the young lovers in their stride for an instant.

For a few minutes they stood there, the Princess as perfectly poised as ever, Philip obviously still struggling with his shyness. Both waved, and turned to greet the King and Queen and Princess Margaret Rose, who joined them on the balcony. The others stayed just long enough to acknowledge the cheers of the crowd, and then withdrew, leaving the young couple alone again.

Philip must have known then that Elizabeth and he would begin their life together supported by the love and good wishes of the British people. No one hearing the cheers that went up could doubt that. In the dismal aftermath of a terrible war, without enough food and clothing to satisfy their needs, Britons still found time to recognize love and romance when they saw them. Their hearts were with their Princess, and the man of her choice.

A few months later, in the same Westminster Abbey where Elizabeth will be crowned Queen of England in June, she and Philip were married. Even though ‘austerity’ was still the watchword in England, the wedding could not be either simple or quiet, much as both Elizabeth and Philip would have preferred that kind of an affair. As they must for the rest of their lives, the young couple did what was expected of them—and they were expected to have a Royal wedding that the whole of England could thrill to. Not even their honeymoon was private. Crowds followed them during their wedding trip through England and Scotland. They were seldom free from reporters, photographers, and even tourists who came hoping for a glimpse of them.

Now, with the end of the honeymoon, came the time when, like every young couple, Elizabeth and Philip began learning to translate their love into terms of day-to-day living. Though they could not know it, they were to have only a little more than four years before Elizabeth would be called on to shoulder the burdens of a reigning sovereign. Even before those four years were up, the demands on their time, energies, and patience were heavy.

Part 2 – the story continues in the July, 1953 issue of True Romance. “Can a woman be a wife, mother and Queen–and still be happy? What happens when Elizabeth inherits the throne?”

When Cat Lovers Unite With Mystery Lovers

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By Katherine Sharma

Based on the number of titles available, there is a relatively large mystery audience that combines love of detective/crime fiction with a love of cats. Felines have sauntered into a growing list of series: Black Cat Bookshop mysteries, Joe Grey mysteries, Magical Cats mysteries, Cat Who… mysteries, Cat in the Stacks mysteries, Midnight Louie mysteries, etc. But I would note that there also are cat-mystery creations outside the usual “cozy” corner.

For a selection of crime stories featuring cats by leading authors, read Mystery Cats by Ruth Rendell, author of the classic A Dark-Adapted Eye. Her anthology includes authors such as Lillian Jackson Braun (Cat Who…series author) but also Patricia Highsmith, Edgar Allan Poe, Joyce Harrington, Patricia Moyes, Margaret Maron, Lillian de la Torre and Edward D. Hoch, plus Rendell herself.

Or just go straight to a dark place with Edgar Allan Poe’s classic The Black Cat, in which the alcoholic narrator describes his descent into madness, murdering his beloved black cat and then his wife, only to be haunted and his guilt exposed by another black cat.

For those who prefer classic English mystery style, I’d try a cat lover’s suggestion set in 1930s England: In The Norths Meet Murder, by Frances & Richard Lockridge, an unknown murdered man is found in the Norths’ bathtub, and the only clues are the sooty footprints of their black cat.

One of Japan’s leading novelists, Haruki Murakami, often weaves cats into his novels. For example, he begins his gripping The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle with a man’s search for his wife’s missing cat, a search that blossoms into a detective story and an excavation of buried secrets of World War II. For feline-focused mystery series, see the Goodreads selection at https://www.goodreads.com/shelf/show/cat-mystery

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ABOUT  KATHERINE SHARMA

Katherine Sharma’s family roots are in Louisiana, Oklahoma and Texas. But after her early childhood in Texas, she has moved around the country and lived in seven other states, from Virginia to Hawaii. She currently resides in California with her husband and three children. She has also traveled extensively in Europe, Africa and Asia, and makes regular visits to family in India. After receiving her bachelor’s degree. in economics and her master’s degree in journalism from the University of Michigan, Katherine worked as a newspaper and magazine writer and editor for more than 15 years. She then shifted into management and marketing roles for firms in industries ranging from outdoor recreation to insurance to direct marketing. Although Katherine still works as a marketing consultant, she is now focused on creative writing.

Summer Movie Preview!

Maybe we should call it the “Summer of Action.” We’re in for a non-stop barrage of hunky guys in tight outfits. Get your popcorn ready, because the screen is going to be filled this summer with tons of superheroes, sequels and remakes. Here are some of the films we’re the most excited about watching.

May 6–Captain America: Civil War

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Civil War is already garnering some of the best reviews in Marvel Studios history, and by pitting Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) against Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.), it will certainly school all other movies on how to do a superhero grudge match right.

Scarlett Johansson Keeps Surprising Us

May 20–Neighbors 2

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After battling a fraternity led by Zac Efron in the first one, Seth Rogen and Rose Byrne must team with Efron’s Teddy Sanders to battle a rowdy sorority led by Chloë Grace Moretz.

May 20–The Nice Guys

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Ryan Gosling plays Holland March, a wimpy 1970s Los Angeles private investigator who teams up with hardcore muscle-for-hire Jackson Healy (Russell Crowe) to find a missing girl. Writer-director Shane Black (Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang) helms the buddy action comedy.

Dating After 40: The Hollywood Edition

May 27–X-Men: Apocalypse

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Apocalypse find the band of mutant heroes battling the titular all-powerful ancient villain (Oscar Isaac), who recruits his Four Horsemen–Magneto (Michael Fassbender), Psyclocke (Olivia Munn), Storm (Alexandra Shipp), and Angel (Ben Hardy)–to build a new order on the ashes of humanity.

Jennifer Lawrence: Girl of Mystique

June 17–Central Intelligence

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Time has a funny way of flipping the script on high school stereotypes. That’s the setup for Central Intelligence, which pairs a chubby geek-turned-chiseled CIA agent (Dwayne Johnson) with a Big Man on Campus-turned-accountant (Kevin Hart) at their high school reunion. Their mission? To save the world, of course.

June 24–Independence Day: Resurgence

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It’s been 20 years since former President Thomas J. Whitmore (Bill Pullman) fended off an alien invasion of Earth. Now, despite years of using alien tech to strengthen the planet’s defenses, the creatures have returned with machines of apocalyptic devastation. Only Jeff Goldblum and some new recruits (Liam Hemsworth, Jessie Usher, Maika Monroe) can possibly save the day.

July 1–The Legend of Tarzan

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Instead of focusing on the famed jungle dweller’s origin story, director David Yates’ (Harry Potter movies) version picks up in England, where the former Tarzan (Alexander Skarsgard) has married Jane (Margot Robbie) and has settled into aristocratic privilege as Lord Greystroke. But when he’s lured back to the Congo as a trade emissary, he’s drawn into a colonialist conspiracy that threatens both his new life and his old home.

July 15–Ghostbusters

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Paul Feig of Bridesmaids fame dusts off the all-time great paranormal extermination team after decades in mothballs for an all-female reboot. Kristen Wiig leads a fresh team that includes Melissa McCarthy, Kate McKinnon, Leslie Jones and Chris Hemsworth as they capture free-repeaters and full-roaming vapors all over New York.

Kristen Wiig Looks for Love in Hateship Loveship

July 22–Star Trek: Beyond

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This time out Kirk & Co. find themselves stranded without a ship on an unknown planet facing a new enemy led by Krall (Idris Elba). Luckily they have Chris Pine, Zoe Saldana, Simon Pegg and Carl Urban to battle the forces of evil and to boldly go where several other sequels have gone before.

July 29–Jason Bourne

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Matt Damon hasn’t played Jason Bourne since 2007’s The Bourne Ultimatum, but he quickly makes up for lost time, kicking off his long-awaited return with an adrenaline-fueled adventure. The world has changed significantly since the superspy last appeared on the big screen. Can he catch up?

August 5–Suicide Squad

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Bad guys have all the fun, and in David Ayer’s Suicide Squad, DC’s most vile comic-book villains get to throw explosive boomerangs, shoot bullets from their wrists, and wield soul-taking swords. The film is headlined by Will Smith, Margot Robbie, and Jared Leto.

Batman v. Superman. Who’s Hotter? Who Cares!

August 12–Pete’s Dragon

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A remake of Disney’s 1977 classic, which itself was a blend of live-action and animation. That hasn’t changed, although now CGI gives filmmaker David Lowery the opportunity to render that dragon in photorealistic ways. Bryce Dallas Howard, Robert Redford, Wes Bentley and Karl Urban co-star.

August 19–Ben-Hur

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Director Timur Bekmambetov’s reboot of the Oscar-winning 1959 epic (a remake itself) starring Charlton Heston, is an homage. Starring Jack Huston, Ben-Hur tells the story of the titular Jewish prince in the time of Christ who, after being condemned to slavery by his adopted brother, Messala (Toby Kebbell), seeks revenge that culminates in a deadly chariot race

 

 

 

Anxious About Being Single In Your 30s? Here’s What To Do

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I’d definitely say my last break-up was the most significant in my life so far. That’s an understatement actually. It tipped me upside down, inside out and floored me! I hope to not have many (well, if any more!), but who knows what life will throw at us. My last break-up taught me not to be dependent on the outcome.

I think there’s something that makes break-ups different in your 30s because not only do you have to deal with all the emotional turmoil, you have the added pressure of feeling like your relationship should be the thing you have all figured out by now. I know, I know. We shouldn’t give in to society pressure and all of that, I get it. But when most of your friends are settled down and your Facebook feed is an endless documentation of weddings, babies and baby number 2 and even 3, it’s quite normal to feel a void. It all seems to harshly illuminate what you don’t have.

“I don’t get it – how has she ended up with this amazing husband and family? I don’t know where it went wrong for me”

“I just want someone to share my life with”

“I want someone but I hate dating because I never seem to meet the right people or get hurt!”

…are a few things I hear regularly from 30-something folks who are single and feeling frustrated, jealous and saddened because of it. Like it’s a code they can’t seem to crack. And yep, I’ve felt and thought all of these things too. It’s so easy to compare ourselves to others.

But what I’ve come to realize, is that it’s more than okay to want someone. And when you use it as an opportunity to acknowledge what you know you do want, instead of dwelling on what you lack, it can change your whole outlook on the situation.

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It’s been tempting in the past to get into something with guys who aren’t a ‘hell yes’ for the sake of settling down. But why would I do that because it’s going to lead to unfulfilment and probably, another break-up, which isn’t really on my agenda if I know I can avoid it! The thing is, other people might have what you don’t have, but you also have what they don’t. You have freedom, you have opportunity, you have the right to be as selfish as you like when it comes to your life, hopes, dreams, desires. You have the freedom to be experimental, you can travel, see friends, you can date to your hearts content or you can throw yourself into your passions and work. You can do whatever you want.

If your ultimate goal relationship-wise is to find a partner to settle with, brilliant! But moping about the fact that you don’t have that now is a sure fire way to ensure that you won’t get it anytime soon. Your energy will be one of lack, urgency and probably settling for the wrong people.

Really, you have 2 choices. Embrace where you are and all the opportunities that presents. Work on yourself. Unravel where you could have gone wrong in past relationships and figure out what you need to do to change that. Become the person you want to be in the relationship you truly want. Don’t seek validation in a relationship or someone else because it will never ever work. (That is a lesson I have definitely had to learn!) Strive for something, strive for yourself. Try new things, go to new places, take risks, be bold. You never know who you might meet and that’s just an added bonus. Hang out with people who are also single instead of focusing all your attention on your coupled up friends. More importantly actually, just be around people who make you feel good and excited or at least enthusiastic about life.

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The other choice is to dwell. Feeling what you are feeling is important. It’s needed and it can reveal some cold, harsh truths that might need to be attended to. But dwelling overload is a slow plummet down the rabbit hole of anxiety. It’s like aggravating a wound again and again. It doesn’t heal.

If you are single (at whatever age!) and unhappy about it, that’s ok. It reveals what you want. But don’t waste what an incredible thing it is to be where you are. Friendship, contentment, fun, excitement, romance, passion – it’s all out there right now if you can allow yourself to see it. The relationship will come once you learn to be happy or at the very least, accepting of where you are.

By Laura Yates at Never Liked It Anyway

The Top 10 Love and Relationship Podcasts

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Are you ready to find out what you can do to have the deep, beautifully fulfilling love you want in your life? Are you ready to find out how to live the outrageously fun and full life and you know you were meant to be living? Have you been searching for more intimacy in your relationships but are at a loss as to how to create it? We’ve gathered our top 10 favorite podcasts and linked to their websites. Have a listen!

1. Savage Lovecast Podcast

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Savage Lovecast, a weekly, call-in advice podcast, was created by Dan Savage in 1996. As an author, sex advice columnist and public speaker, Savage covers every angle when it comes to dating, sex and love.

Latest Episode: A woman loves sexting with strangers she meets online. But she has no desire to meet in person. How and when should she let her fellas know this about her? 

2. LoveLine

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Loveline is a syndicated radio call in program in North America, offering medical and relationship advice to listeners, often with the assistance of guests, typically actors and musicians.

Latest Episode: Open Forum: It’s national siblings day so we ask what are some odd relationship related issues that have come about in relation to those related to you.

3. The Dating Advice Girl

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The Dating Advice Girl podcast comes from Erin Tillman, an author and single life consultant who co-hosts the weekly dating advice show out of Los Angeles, Calif. From cougars to coed living, listeners can stream the show live and interact by phone, email or Twitter.

Latest Episode: On this episode, I’m giving you a few Valentine’s Day events in LA for 2016, plus LA guys can win a Valentine date with Danish TV host Petra.

4. The Art of Charm

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“Presented by The Art of Charm,” Pickup Podcast is an ensemble show featuring dating coaches, relationship experts, best-selling authors and “other professional badasses.” This is where self-motivated guys truly learn from the best.

Latest Episode: Kira Asatryan (@KiraAsatryan) discusses the epidemic of loneliness felt by modern Americans — millennials in particular — and how it can be countered by closeness, the foundation of all happy and long-lasting relationships. She is the author of Stop Being Lonely: Three Simple Steps to Developing Close Friendships and Deep Relationships.

5. Sex, Love and Intimacy Podcast

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Welcome to the show that brings sex out of the closet. Sex, Love & Intimacy will help you embrace the fullness of your sexual experience and help you reach new levels of intimacy, pleasure and satisfaction with your partner.

Latest Episode: Did you know that there is a “Meet-Up-Group” named “Sirens” that’s all about seduction for women in NYC? Meet Arden Leigh, co-founder of Sirens, teaching the art and science of seduction. Arden has been interested in seduction ever since she knew what the word meant. She a retired professional dominatrix and author of a seduction guide for everyday women, “Whipped: A Professional Dominatrix Shares the Secrets to Wrapping Men Around Your Little Finger.”

6. The Art of Love

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No subject is too difficult for renowned dating/relationship expert and TV personality Lucia to handle. She will entertain, educate and enlighten you!

Latest Episode: When it comes to dating and relationships, people often “play themselves”.  They don’t know how to relieve the anxiety they feel, so they behave in ways that give them short term relief but long term negative consequences.  Dating/relationship expert Lucia goes through some dating scenarios where people often end up making things worse and reveals what to do instead.

7. Dates With Kate

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My name is Kate. After a 5.5 year-long relationship I ventured into the world of online dating. It hasn’t always been pretty but I have had quite the entertaining time meeting more than 100 men. After realizing that my friends and family were living vicariously through my dating stories I thought I might share them with the world, one man at a time.

Latest Episode: Trent–In going out on dates with over 100 guys, I have met some socially-questionable and awkward people. Trent was the first guy that I encountered that I really thought was insane. I am still not convinced that he didn’t escape from a local mental hospital just so he could have a date with me.

8. Relationship Alive!

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Each week Neil Sattin brings you an in-depth interview with a relationship expert. Neil is an author and relationship coach who is enthusiastic and passionate about relationships and the nuts and bolts of what makes them last.

Latest Episode: Have you ever wondered what exactly is happening in your body when you get triggered? Why do we go into rage, or feel like leaving, or completely shut down? Have you ever experienced conflict and thought something like “If only my body could just CALM DOWN then I might be able to actually resolve this?” – Or have you experienced that moment of getting nowhere in a conversation with your partner because they are triggered?

9. The Psychology of Attractiveness

psychology

The Psychology of Attractiveness Podcast reveals the science behind human sexuality. Every month Dr Rob Burriss uncovers new research on attraction, jealousy, lust, and love. Recent topics include: what is the evolutionary purpose of oral sex?

Latest Episode: Are you sick of how you smell? We investigate the link between susceptibility to disease and attraction to the body odour of others and ourselves. Also, how do women choose to wear red clothes?

10. Creating Forever Love

creating forever love

Ready to learn about men and women? Ready to find love like you’ve never known it before? Even if you have a good husband or a good wife or you’ve done marriage counseling, I promise THiS is relationship advice that will inspire you in a brand new way.

Latest Episode: I think John Mayer said it best in his song “Daughters” when he describes women as “Just like a maze where all of the walls are continually changing.” Men, have you ever felt that way about your woman? One week she’s happy, on top of the world, affectionate, maybe even horny…. you love that.